


Coffee on the Side

by obsessionandstuff



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: F/M, Kinda, M/M, Minor Gansey and Blue in the background, a little angsty, coffee shop AU, pynch - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 02:53:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14251509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obsessionandstuff/pseuds/obsessionandstuff
Summary: Coffee Shop AU: Ronan Lynch works at a coffee shop with Blue Sargent. He meets Adam Parish - a friend of Gansey from College.





	Coffee on the Side

Ronan Lynch was tired of coffee. Or, maybe not tired of coffee as much as he was tired of serving it to snobby rich people. Sure, he had a good load of money himself, being the owner of the most famous coffee shop in Henrietta, but he wasn’t being a snob about it. He loved the smell of freshly brewed coffee while he was working, but he hated the stench of perfume and aftershaves walking through the doors of the shop, ordering decaf, skimmed milk mochaccinos. They didn’t say anything to Ronan other than their order. They didn’t even say a “thank you” after getting their coffee, they only paid for it and walked out again.

Blue Sargent, Ronan’s favourite co-worker, who was just as bitter as the coffee they served, told him that they were probably being rude like that because they ordered decaf.

The only rich snob that set foot in the coffee shop that Ronan actually didn't mind serving, was Gansey. Or, Richard Campbell Gansey III. He and Blue had been dating since senior year of high school, and even though Blue had gone to a public school and Gansey to Aglionby, it had worked out.   
The thing that made Gansey a snob in Ronan's mind, besides his polo shirts and boat shoes, was the fact that Gansey always ordered weird shit like a chocolate-mint, mocha frappuccino. At least it wasn't decaf.   
The coffee shop was mostly famous for their black coffee, yet most of the customers bought lattes and frappes. Ronan was not going to say that he didn’t enjoy that from time to time, but he had standards, and that was a rich black coffee, unsweetened and no milk. He loved it.

 

It was Monday morning, and Ronan's older brother Declan, along with Matthew, the youngest of the Lynches, stopped by to get a drink before going to DC. Declan had an internship there, and Matthew, who was in his last year at Aglionby, was coming along for an event that week. Matthew often went to visit their older brother in DC, and Declan made sure to always be in Henrietta on Sundays, so that they could continue the tradition of going to St. Agnes Church like Matthew wanted.

“When are you going to come with us to DC?” Matthew asked him, hope in his voice.

“When I have more than one day off a week,” Ronan told him.

“But you never have a day off,” Matthew said, disappointed. He was right. Ronan never took a day off, except the early Sunday hours they spent at church.

“One day,” he promised. And he would keep that, because he never lied.

Matthew smiled cheerfully.

“Don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep,” Declan said in a low voice. Low enough that Matthew would ignore his words.

“I never fucking do,” Ronan told him through his teeth.

Declan was about to pay for his coffee, but Ronan brushed him off.

“On the house,” he muttered.

“Thank you,” Declan said, and it was genuine. “We’ll see you on Sunday.”

Ronan nodded as both Declan and Matthew left the shop. Matthew waved his hand way above his head, before walking out. Ronan watched as the gray Volvo pulled out from the parking space in front of the shop. One day, he would visit his brother in DC. One day, when leaving Henrietta didn’t feel like abandoning everything.

The door to the shop opened and Blue hurried in. “Sorry,” she said, out of breath. “I overslept.” She was only half an hour late. It wasn’t like her, so Ronan didn’t plan on scolding her for it. Not genuinely, at least.

“Half an hour, Sargent. I can’t believe you left me hanging like this,” he said, making his voice sound disappointed.

“Oh, don’t give me that,” Blue said, pulling her hair back in a messy attempt at a ponytail, before putting in about a thousand pins to hold it in place.

“Don’t be lame, I’m just teasing you,” Ronan said, grinning wickedly, then tossed her an apron. “Besides, it’s not my fault you and Gansey stay up all night to fuck.”

“Ronan!” Blue exclaimed, but she laughed. “For your information, we didn’t. We fought, actually.” She said it so nonchalantly that Ronan assumed they had already made up, so he didn’t press the matter.

“Anyways,” she said. “You remember Adam? Gansey’s friend from college?”

“The one we have heard about, but never met?” Ronan asked. Gansey had apparently met him when he had taken a year of politics, but as far as Ronan knew, they only had a few classes together since Gansey, the nerd, had gone from politics to history. “What about him?”

“He’s coming by with Gansey during lunch,” she said.

  


Gansey did come by after he had finished his classes, but not alone. There was another guy walking behind him, a little taller than Gansey and a little serious looking, with dirt blond hair and blue eyes. He looked very elegant, yet a little lanky and all too forcibly put together, as if to put up a facade. Not one like Gansey, when he put on his Richard Campbell Gansey III act, or well, maybe it was just like that. Just less.

Gansey smiled at Ronan, and Ronan nodded to him, still eyeing the other guy.

“What’s up, Lynch?” Gansey asked in a pleasant voice. Ronan didn’t reply; it wasn’t like he needed to. He was at work, what else would be up?

“Who the fuck is this?” Ronan asked, referring to the guy behind him.

“Language, dude,” Gansey said in a light voice.

“Whom the fuck may this be?” Ronan said, grinning.

“No,” Gansey said and pinched the bridge of his nose. The guy behind him snickered silently. Ronan didn’t mind that. “Ronan, this is Adam Parrish, from college. Adam, Ronan Lynch, current owner of what can be considered heaven.”

Adam smiled politely at Ronan, who did a salute in return.

“Does that make me an angel then?” Blue asked coming from the kitchen with clean mugs. She placed them on the countertop and stuck her hand out towards Adam, and he shook it. Gansey leaned forward to give her a light peck on the cheek. She grinned lightly.

“Ew.” Ronan was already making Gansey’s weird frappuccino. He glanced up at Adam. “Coffee?” he asked him, raising an eyebrow a little. “On the house,” he added. “Gansey’s friends and shit.”

“Sure,” Adam said, keeping his voice polite, but he side eyed Gansey.

“What?” Gansey questioned.

“Nothing,” Adam mumbled in return.

“Black?” Ronan asked Adam.

“Please,” Adam said, smiling gently. It was a pretty smile. One that seemed painted on his face, and it occurred to Ronan that it might be something he didn’t do often.

“Finally a friend of yours that drinks actual coffee,” Ronan said to Gansey.

Blue laughed, and Gansey sent him a look. Ronan laughed, and so did Adam, it seemed. Just a little. Ronan liked it.

He drew a heart on the plastic cup he served the frappuccinos in, for Gansey. He put the coffee in one of the regular mugs for Adam.

“Thank you,” Adam said as Ronan handed him the mug. Then Adam and Gansey went to sit at one of the tables. The lunch rush was about to begin.

Ronan looked over at Blue, who raised a knowing eyebrow at him. “Let’s get to work.”

 

Gansey and Adam were still at the shop when the rush ended, along with Noah and Henry, who had just arrived. Blue had joined them for a little while after bringing coffee for the other two. Ronan had just put a batch of cups in the steamer, after placing clean ones at the counter. Then he refilled the fridge with milk from the storage room.

“Are you closing up today?” Noah asked, suddenly standing in front of the counter. Ronan hadn’t heard him walk over.

“Not today,” Ronan told him, making himself a well deserved coffee. “Why?”

“Henry is having a get-together,” Noah said. “You in?”

“Define a get-together,” Ronan muttered.

“Just us, and Adam,” Noah told him. “We invited him just now.” Noah grinned.

“Sure, Czerny,” Ronan said. “I’m in.”

Noah smiled widely. It was one of the smiles that reminded him of Matthew. Ronan could rarely say no to that.

“Stop that, you freak,” he told Noah, who continued grinning then walked back to the table. Ronan shook his head, then scratched the side of his chin. _And Adam, huh?_ he thought to himself. He wouldn’t mind.

 

▲▼▲

 

Adam Parrish sat in the back of Gansey's Camaro on the way to the apartment currently inhabited by Henry Cheng and Noah Czerny. Even though Henry was the owner of the place, Noah had moved in at some point, because it would be more fun that way. At least that was the explanation Gansey had given him.

Adam had never hung out with a group of friends like this before. He hadn't had a lot of them back at Aglionby, just a few acquaintances in class, but he rarely spoke with them. Gansey was probably the first person he had really considered a friend at all, and now he was going to hang out with the king and his knights, and he was starting to feel a little nervous. He was glad he didn't have to get there on his own, and that Blue was with them. She made things a little easier for him.

"So," she said, from the passenger seat. "Are we approved?" She had a friendly look on her face.

"I didn't know I had to approve of anything," Adam said, letting his Henrietta accent slip a little.

"I wouldn't mind that all my friends got along," Gansey said.

"Oh, I am just a friend now?" Blue asked jokingly.

"You are _also_ a friend," Gansey explained, and Blue laughed.

"Gansey says you work at the garage, have you ever suggested from him to get rid of this scrap?" she asked, and Gansey shot her a warning look.

"Watch it, Jane," he said, but there wasn't a hint of seriousness in the tone of his voice.

"Every day," Adam told her.

Adam didn’t really like the fact that Gansey had told them that he worked at the garage. Not that it mattered, but they’d know then that he was working to pay for college, that he wasn’t another rich kid, like Gansey, who didn’t have to worry about tuition and paying for college dorm rooms. Adam and Gansey had met at their first year of college, when Adam still lived with his parents. The thought of that was dreading to Adam. It had been a year of his life that he wished he could erase from his memories. When he got out of there, Gansey had suggested that he could live with him at the dorms. Adam couldn’t afford that, not in the long run, but after a lot of back and forth and the biggest fight Adam and Gansey had ever had, Adam had moved in, with an agreement that Gansey was under no circumstances going to buy anything for Adam. Gansey had agreed, as long as gifts for Christmas and birthdays and such were allowed. Adam couldn’t really argue with that. He did start paying for the dorm eventually as well, when he managed to save enough money for it. It felt good to be able to do that with his own money.

Gansey parked outside of Henry and Noah’s apartment.

“Ronan is not here,” Blue pointed out.

“Noah said he’d be here,” Gansey assured her.

“Does he not show up at these things?” Adam asked, curiously.

“He is not a pack animal,” Gansey explained. “He doesn’t really like social gatherings, but he’ll be here.”

“How do you know?” Adam asked.

“He doesn’t lie.”

 

Gansey had been right. Ronan showed up late, but he showed up, and he brought along two six packs of beer. Henry had his own collection of alcohol in his apartment. Adam didn’t drink much, but he had said yes to a beer when Ronan offered one. _Ronan doesn’t do charity,_ Gansey had told him. He guessed that was enough for him not to be self-conscious about it.

Henry and Noah were playing a fighting game on Henry’s Playstation. Blue had tried once, but got knocked out right away. Now she was hovering over Noah and Henry to see how they did it, so that she could try and beat them.

“Nice of you to show up,” Gansey told Ronan. The tone of his voice was different with Ronan and the others.  It appeared friendly, but in a different kind of friendly than he usually pulled with other people. It wasn't Richard Campbell Gansey III, it was just Gansey.  There was a boyish sound to it that Adam had learned to know only recently.

“I said I would, didn’t I?”

There was something about Ronan, that Adam didn’t understand completely. He was a dangerous sort. He looked like danger, like a fire ready to burn everything in its way, yet Gansey seemed to have it under control. Like it was a fireplace instead of a fire hazard. Either way, Adam realised that Ronan Lynch was utterly beautiful.

“Cheers.” Ronan held his beer can out to Gansey, who bumped it lightly with his own. Ronan did the same towards Adam, and just as Gansey had done, he bumped it. Ronan took a chug of the beer and sat down on a chair he’d brought from the kitchen. He flipped it around, so that he could rest his arms over the back of it. It looked so effortlessly executed, like it was in his nature to be this way.

“How the fuck do I even kill this asshole,” Blue shouted from the couch. Henry had let her play, and Noah was laughing as he kept getting hits on her in-game character.

“Don’t fucking swear,” Ronan told her in a serious tone. Blue flipped him off, or at least she tried to, but then she almost got killed again in the game.

Adam observed the interactions between the lot of them, and he was glad he had come along. They all seemed very natural in each other’s company, and for a fraction of a second he felt something in between jealousy and regret. He really wished he had made an attempt to meet them before today.

 

▲▼▲

 

Working seemed to have more perks now than it had had in a while. Adam tagged along with Gansey to the coffee shop a lot after he finally made an appearance, and Ronan didn’t mind at all, and he didn’t mind the smell of gasoline that followed him. It was poorly covered by the scent of some sort of cheap soap or perfume, but Ronan could still smell it.

“What can I get you?” Ronan asked Adam when he and Gansey came by the shop one afternoon. He was preparing Gansey’s frappuccino.

“Other than black coffee?” Adam asked and arched his eyebrow to question Ronan. “I thought that was all there was.”

“I am not denying you other drinks, just don’t be a snob about it,” Ronan told him.

Adam laughed. “What do you recommend?”

Ronan thought about it. “Bitter or sweet?” he asked him.

“Both?”

Ronan handed Gansey his frappuccino, then started making a latte with caramel and vanilla syrup, and two shots of espresso. It was either a Cheng or a Czerny favourite. He made a leaf in the cup with the steamed milk.

“Wow,” Adam said softly. It made Ronan’s heart skip a beat. Adam’s voice was quiet like a whisper, and Ronan did not mind the admiration of his work. “I can’t drink this now,” Adam exclaimed, not sounding very serious, though.

Ronan leaned forward and blew on the milk leaf. It looked like it crumbled out of shape in the coffee cup. “Now you can,” Ronan said, grinning wickedly.

“Asshole,” Adam said, but he smiled ever so slightly. Ronan made a silent prayer that it would not fade.

 

It was Sunday, and on this day, Ronan did not open the shop. Blue had taken the task upon her, so that Ronan could go to church with Declan and Matthew. Declan’s car was already parked outside when Ronan pulled up in his BMW. This was where Ronan found peace of mind. Nothing and everything mattered in the time he spent in church. It had been tense before, when Ronan and Declan were still fighting, but now, it was alright. Ronan actually appreciated the fact that Declan took the time to drive from DC to Henrietta for this.

Matthew leaped up from his seat as Ronan walked towards them. He gave Ronan a brief hug. Hugs were usually preserved for Matthew only, because Ronan could never say no to him. Declan gave him a light slap on the shoulder as he sat down. Then the service started.

 

“Do you have to go back to the shop right away?” Declan asked when they exited the church. He had the sort of look on his face that meant he would be lying about something in the near future. Ronan frowned a little.

“Not right away, no, why?” he asked.

“Have lunch with us, before you go back to work,” Declan suggested. “Matthew made sandwiches.”

Ronan agreed to it. He hadn’t had lunch with his brothers in ages, and he knew Blue wouldn’t mind. If things got too much to handle at work, she would call him.

“Come to DC with us next weekend,” Declan said, more as a command than anything else, as they sat down at a table in the park with a few sandwiches Matthew had poorly put together. He had a heart of gold that brother of his, but he was not a good cook. Not even with things as easy as bread.

“Is that a request, or an order?” Ronan asked, taking a bite of his sandwich. Tuna salad.

“Please?” Matthew asked, his eyes almost sparkling as he spoke.

“I’ll think about it,” he told his younger brother, who grinned widely. It was enough for him to know that Ronan was considering it. Though Ronan knew, he would not go.

 

▲▼▲

 

Adam went to the coffee shop that day. Since it was Sunday, he didn’t have to work, so he figured he could do some studying in a different environment than the campus library. He smiled at Blue, who was standing behind the counter when he walked in. He gave way for a few women with frappuccinos and lattes in their hands as they passed him in the doorway. They were all quite pretty, Adam thought, and they might have been someone who he would have dared to ask out, if had the time to date anyone. He didn’t, though, so he let the thought slip, and sat down at a free table by one of the windows.

Blue came by with a cup of coffee, with a gentle smile on her face.

“Black, just the way the boss likes it,” she said, in a slight mocking tone. Adam laughed a little.

“He never drinks anything else?” Adam asked.

“Not that I know of,” Blue told him.

Adam was about to fish out his wallet to pay for the coffee. Since Ronan and his stubbornness wasn’t there, he might as well take the chance to actually pay for himself. Blue brushed him off, though. “Oh, come on, Blue,” Adam said. “Don’t-”

“Don’t what?” Blue cut him off. “I don’t allow any of my friends to pay when I’m at work. I’m not rich like Gansey, so I can’t offer money when needed, but I can offer a free cup of coffee.”

Adam looked at her, knowing what she meant, but he chose not to comment on it. He tucked his wallet back into his pocket and gave her a brief smile. She smiled back at him, before looking over at the coffee shop entrance. “Gansey stopping by today?” he asked.

“Maybe, but Ronan is late,” Blue muttered. “He usually is on Sundays, but he is late-late today.”

Adam recalled Gansey once telling him that Ronan’s a catholic, and that he went to church with his brothers on Sundays. Adam hadn’t pictured Ronan to be a church-going kind of guy. To be honest, he didn’t really look like a barista either. He looked more like someone who would be in a gang, riding a motorcycle, with his skinned head, piercings and tattoos, and those leather wristbands he always wore, but he wasn’t planning on telling him that. Or telling Blue or Gansey for that matter.

“How did you become friends?” Adam asked her.

“What, Gansey didn’t tell you how he literally walked into him at school and they ended up being this weird ass duo ever since?” Blue asked him.

Adam already knew how Ronan and _Gansey_ had become friends, but that was not what he was asking. “I meant how _you_ and Ronan became friends,” Adam said.

“Hmm,” Blue said, “I’m not sure, actually.”

The door opened to the coffee shop and Ronan walked in.

“You’re late,” Blue half barked at him.

“Bite me, Sargent,” Ronan muttered in return.

“Gross,” Blue mumbled as Ronan walked over to the table. She raised a questioning eyebrow at him, but Ronan ignored it. “How was the service?” she asked instead.

Ronan just shrugged and sat down in front of Adam. He reached out at grabbed the untouched coffee cup and took a sip of it before placing it back again. Adam furrowed his eyebrows, but didn’t protest. Ronan said nothing; instead he got back up and walked over to the counter.

“I can’t believe you left me hanging like this, Lynch,” Blue half shouted after him and Ronan flipped her the bird. She did the same in return, and for a moment it could have seemed like they were actually having a fight, but as Gansey had described it, it was a way of showing mutual affection between them. Adam didn’t quite understand it, but he found it funny.

“I’ll leave you to your studies,” Blue said to him. “Let me know if you need more coffee.”

 

▲▼▲

 

Adam came by the shop to study more than once the following week. Every day he didn’t work or have classes, it seemed. Ronan didn’t mind. He liked the view. He kept that a secret, though. Blue would tease him for it, and he wasn’t in the mood for that.

“I’m gonna have to leave early today, I promised I would help my mother with something this evening,” Blue told him one evening. “Will you be alright closing by yourself?”

It was a dumb thing for her to ask. It wasn’t the first time he had closed the shop on his own, but he knew it was a kind gesture of her to ask. “Go ahead, Sargent,” he told her.

Blue blew him a kiss before taking off, leaving Ronan with an almost empty coffee shop. It was mostly quiet the last few hours before closing time, and Ronan didn’t mind. Blue leaving early wouldn’t be a problem at all.

Adam was sitting at what had become his usual table for studying. He was taking notes from a book it seemed, Ronan wasn’t really sure. Ronan didn’t even realize he’d been staring, until he was interrupted by an elderly man who came to the counter to order his drink.

 

Ronan was about to close the shop, and Adam was still there. He had fallen asleep on top of his books. Ronan wondered if the guy ever took a break. He finished cleaning the counter and the coffee machine, then took out the trash. Adam was still asleep when Ronan returned.

He walked over to the table, quietly. Adam seemed rather restless while sleeping. Ronan cocked his head a little, just watching him. “Fuck,” he mumbled softly. He sat down next to Adam, then lightly stroked his shoulder.

Adam’s eyes fluttered a little, then he jerked away. A piece of paper stuck to his face, which he rushed to remove. Ronan raised an eyebrow and smirked at Adam.

“I’m sorry,” Adam mumbled, and rubbed a hand over his face. “I’ll get going.”

“Don’t rush it,” Ronan said. “You are allowed to get some fucking rest.”

Adam didn’t answer, he just scratched the side of his neck and slowly started to pack away his books.

“Coffee?” Ronan asked.

“It’s a little late for that,” Adam muttered.

“Tea, then.”

“Sure,” Adam said, and looked up at Ronan. “Thank you.”

Ronan came back with mint tea. He hadn’t asked Adam what he had wanted, but he went with mint. He figured that being friends with Gansey, he probably either liked mint, or completely despised it.

“Thanks,” Adam said again when Ronan placed the cup in front of him. Ronan was astounded by how overly polite he was at times.

Ronan sat down next to Adam, who had closed his eyes for the time being, studying him a little. He had a very elegant face, but he looked tired and a little worn out. Ronan had to look down, to not make it seem weird. He didn’t know if Adam noticed him looking. He didn’t intend on finding out. Instead he looked at Adam’s hands wrapped around the tea cup. Ronan leaned in, caressing the side of his hand, just a little. Adam flinched, but he didn’t move his hand away, so Ronan tested his luck and did it again. He lifted his head to look at Adam’s face for a reaction. Adam turned to look at him, then Ronan leaned in and kissed him.

There was a rush running through Ronan, like it did when he went past speed limit in his BMW. He didn’t know what it meant, and he didn’t care. He was about to pull away, when Adam kissed him in return. Light and soft.

When Ronan pulled back, Adam’s eyes were closed. He opened them slowly and looked at him with a confused, yet curious expression. Ronan got up from the chair, eyes still locked at Adam. “I need to go lock up in the back. I’ll follow you out,” he told him. Adam nodded. He paused a little before turning around to finish the close up.

Ronan’s heart was hammering in his chest like crazy. He felt like he was on a high he would never come down from. Only he did, just as quickly as he had hit the high. When he got back, Adam was gone.

 

When Ronan got out from the coffee shop, he saw the Pig parked outside. He wasn’t sure when it had gotten there, because he hadn’t heard it. He went over to it and Gansey opened the window. “Hey,” Gansey said with his usual gentle smile.

“What are you doing here?” Ronan asked him.

“Adam said he was studying here today, but he didn’t come back, so I figured I’d see if he needed a lift,” Gansey told him.

“You just missed him,” Ronan muttered. Gansey frowned, but he didn’t push the matter. Ronan was grateful for that.

“Alright,” Gansey said. He looked in front of him for a while, then turned back to Ronan, still smiling, just different. “Do you want to go for a drive?”

That, Ronan did.

 

They drove for a while. Not talking. Gansey just drove, letting Ronan mess around on the radio, playing whatever he wanted. The thing Ronan liked about Gansey was that he didn’t hover, not really. He waited it out. If Ronan wanted to talk, which he usually didn’t, he would wait until Ronan said something.

“I think I might go to DC this weekend,” Ronan said, turning down the radio. He hadn’t really been thinking about it like he said he would, but he was thinking about it now.

“Alright,” Gansey said. “Alright, that sounds like a good idea.”

“Maybe,” Ronan muttered.

“You know Blue will cover for you,” Gansey told him.

“Yeah,” Ronan still muttered, chewing on one of his wrist bands.

“You should go,” Gansey said when Ronan didn’t say anything else. “It might be good for you.” Ronan hated how much like a parent Gansey sounded, but he didn’t tell him that.

 

▲▼▲

 

Adam was panicking. His breath was uneven, his chest was tight and he had a cold sweat that had him shivering. When he had gotten back to the dorm, Gansey wasn’t there, so Adam locked himself up in his room.

The kiss came out of nowhere, or maybe it didn’t, he wasn’t really sure. He should have waited, but he panicked and left before he’d have to face Ronan again. He felt so stupid. Why would he play Adam like that? Ronan wasn’t someone to mess with, he knew that much, but why would he do that? Why would he pretend like that? Did he pretend? Adam didn’t know, which was why he had run away. It was easier to just run away. Like he had run away from his parents. Easier.

 

▲▼▲

 

Depending on where you began the story, it was about Richard Campbell Gansey III. Or, it wasn’t really. He parked the Camaro outside of the dorm at his college and made his way to his apartment. He had just dropped Ronan off, and was still puzzled by the fact that he was going to DC this weekend. He had thought Ronan would never go, and as far as Gansey knew, Ronan had never been to visit Declan.

When Gansey locked himself into the apartment he owned at the dorm, Adam peered out of his own room, seeming a little uneasy. “Hey,” Gansey said in a calm tone. “I went looking for you earlier.”

“I fell asleep at the coffee shop when I was studying,” Adam told him and rubbed the side of his neck. He looked more tired than he had in days. Adam walked over to the couch Gansey had bought for the small living room area and sat down on it. He looked like he wanted to ask something, but Gansey didn’t want to push him into it so he just walked over to his own bed in the back corner of the living room and lay down on it. When Adam had moved in, he had given the bedroom to him for more privacy. Gansey didn’t mind; it reminded him of Monmouth.

“Can I ask you something?” Adam asked. His voice seemed a little uneven, but Gansey didn’t comment on it.

“Of course,” he said.

“Before you and Blue got together, how did you know?” he asked, slowly.

“How did I know what?” Gansey asked him. He wasn’t really sure what he was getting at.

“How did you know,” Adam said warily, weighing his words, “that she was it?”

Gansey was baffled by this question. He didn’t know what Adam was asking of him, let alone what he was supposed to answer. He sat up on the bed and looked over at Adam, who was still sitting on the couch, but he had folded his arms around his knees, resting his head on top of them. He had a melancholic expression on his face, an expression Gansey didn’t quite know how to interpret. He considered, then said: “I didn’t know.”

Adam lifted his head and looked at him. His brows were furrowed in a confused manner. “What do you mean?” he asked.

“I mean,” Gansey started, then he thought about it. “I don’t know what I mean. I just don’t think I knew at the time that-” He stopped. That was a lie. “I think I just hoped she was,” he then said.

“Hope,” Adam mumbled, more to himself than to Gansey, it seemed.

“She makes everything quiet,” Gansey then said. “Even when everything around me is loud and out of order, she always makes it quiet.” Gansey realized that it didn’t make much sense saying it out loud. “What is this all about, Adam?” Gansey asked him.

“Nothing,” Adam said.

“No, I don’t believe that,” Gansey told him. “You don’t ask a question like that past midnight without a reason.”

There was a quiet moment. So quiet Gansey could hear that Adam held his breath.

“Ronan kissed me,” Adam then said, abruptly. “And, I kissed him back, I think.”

“Jesus,” Gansey said, surprised. He wasn’t sure what he had expected, but he was sure this hadn’t been it. “Christ.”

“Are you surprised by that?” Adam asked him.

“No,” Gansey said. “Maybe. I don’t know.” He needed to think about it. “Are you?”

“No,” Adam said. “Maybe. I don’t know.”

Gansey knew Ronan well enough, so the fact that he had _kissed_ Adam, wasn’t that surprising. The fact that he had kissed _Adam,_ had been more of a surprise. Or, maybe not. Gansey thought back to earlier when he had thought something was up with Ronan, because he was acting a little strange. Then there was the sudden decision about going to DC. “What happened?” Gansey asked Adam.

“I panicked, and kind of bolted,” Adam mumbled.

“Oh,” Gansey said. That had been it.

“He didn’t really mean anything by it, right?” Adam then asked, a little wary.

“I think he did,” Gansey replied.

“Shit,” Adam said.

Gansey thought back to when he had first gotten to know Ronan Lynch. The boy he had been when they first met. The boy he had been after his parents died. Then the man he had become afterwards, which was a lot like the boy he knew before, but still bearing the scars of the loss of his parents. “Adam,” Gansey said, calmly. “Don’t break him.” The words sounded harsh, but they weren’t. Gansey knew Adam could be unintentionally cruel. He never meant to, but there had been times even Gansey had been hurt by him, unintentionally. Because Adam didn’t know. “He is not as tough as he might seem,” Gansey added. Because he wasn’t, but Ronan would never let anyone know that.

“I could talk to him about it, I guess,” Adam said. He seemed unsure.

“He is going to DC this weekend, so you have time to think it through,” Gansey told him.

 

▲▼▲

 

Matthew had been ecstatic when Ronan had told him he would come with him to visit Declan in DC . The look on his face was worth all of it. At least Ronan thought it would be. Since Ronan was going as well, Declan didn’t need to drive to Henrietta and back, so it was just Ronan and Matthew for the car ride. Ronan didn’t mind. He enjoyed spending time with his younger brother.

Ronan and Declan had a falling out after their parents died, because Declan refused to let Ronan quit high school to take over the coffee shop. In fact, he hadn’t wanted any of them to have anything to do with the coffee shop. He didn’t give any reasons at the time, but because he was the oldest, he called the shots. Ronan had been furious. He wasn’t the type for taking the college path. Niall Lynch, their dad, had told him he could work with him at the coffee shop when he finished his time at Aglionby. But that never happened. One day their parents didn’t come home from work, and Ronan went down to the shop because he got bored of waiting. Sometimes Ronan wished he hadn’t, because the sight that met him was something he would never be able to forget. Both Niall and Aurora Lynch had been shot. The cash register had been empty. They had been killed over something as petty as a robbery.

There had been a long fight with Declan, and then Ronan had moved into Monmouth Manufacturing with Gansey. Declan had allowed it, as long as Ronan stayed at Aglionby. That fucking piece of shit of a school.  There had been a tear in their relationship that was only held together by Matthew. Declan had told Ronan how he had been too scared to let Ronan work at the coffee shop, in case something similar would happen to him. That Ronan would be the one to be held at gunpoint. Declan hadn’t been the one to be promised a job at the shop, so there was nothing for him there. In the end, Declan caved. When he decided to go to DC for college, Ronan was allowed to quit Aglionby and start up the coffee shop again. This had, in fact, been one of the kindest gestures Declan had ever done for him. The tear was slowly being stitched back together.

 

Declan’s apartment in DC was just as Declan as anything Ronan had ever seen. It was clean cut, if you could call an apartment that, it had modern interior, and it looked expensive. It reminded Ronan of the Volvo Declan drove.

Matthew had planned the entire weekend, more or less. He wanted to show Ronan all of his favorite places in DC. His favourite parks, favourite coffee shops, favourite stores, all of it. Ronan was not much of a shopper, but it was fun watching Matthew walking around in the city and pointing at everything he wanted to show Ronan. DC was so massive compared to Henrietta.

“Look,” Matthew said and pointed towards a coffee shop at a street corner. “Declan says it is the best shop in DC, though it is not as good as the one in Henrietta. I’ve tried to like coffee, but it is just so,” Matthew shivered, “bitter. But it helps putting a lot of sugar in it.” He more or less skipped ahead of them. Ronan himself shuddered at the thought of all that sugar in his coffee.

“Why can’t he just start off with a latte or a mocha like everyone else?” Ronan muttered to Declan.

“Morals, duh,” Declan said, mimicking Matthew.

They walked into the shop. It was an alright place, Ronan wasn’t going to lie, but his own shop was better. Naturally. On the way in, they were met with a familiar face. Helen Gansey, Gansey’s older sister. She looked a lot like him, though, at the same time that she didn’t. She smiled when she saw them, sending Declan a look that Ronan knew how to interpret, and Declan sending one in return that Ronan definitely knew how to interpret.

“Ronan Lynch, in DC, that is not a sight I thought I would live to see,” she said. “You alone, or did you bring my brother with you?”

“Nah, he is holding the fort down back home,” Ronan told her. “I came with the brat.” He pointed at Matthew who was scouting for a table.

Helen laughed. “Alright, you give him a kiss from me when you see him,” she joked, then gave Declan a brief look, before she headed out.

“Mhm,” Ronan said, then turned toward Declan with a raised brow.

“What?” Declan asked, dumbfounded.

“You know what, shithead, spit it out,” Ronan told him.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Declan said, his voice a little hushed.

“Do you take me for an idiot, Declan?” Ronan folded his arms in front of his chest. “How long have you and Miss Helen Gansey been frenching?”

The look on Declan’s face was hysterical. He looked like he was about to get punched in the face, but realized he wouldn’t be able to duck from it. He didn’t say anything, which meant Ronan was right in his assumptions.

Ronan tilted his head backwards and laughed. “Fucking shit,” he said.

“Don’t tell anyone,” Declan muttered.

“Gansey doesn’t know?” Ronan asked, and Declan shook his head. “I’m guessing you haven’t told the brat, either.” The silence was yet another confirmation. Ronan just shook his head and walked over to the table Matthew had found for them.

Ronan did not plan on telling anyone about Helen and Declan. He found that it was something either of them should do themselves. He wouldn’t lie to Gansey if he asked about it, though.

 

Back at Declan’s apartment, Ronan kept thinking back on something that had been gnawing at the back of his mind all day. It was how Matthew kept showing off all of his favourite places of DC, and how he had said Henrietta and not home. Something abruptly tightened in Ronan’s chest. He didn’t want to know of it, but he asked anyway, when Matthew was out of the room.

“Declan?”

“What’s up?” Declan asked.

“Is Matthew moving to DC after his graduation?” Ronan asked without hesitation.

The silence that followed made it tighten more in Ronan’s chest. He tried to ignore it, but it was getting hard to breathe. “Ronan,” Declan began to say, but Ronan cut him off.

“It’s fine,” he said. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Ronan,” Declan said again.

Something boiled on the inside of Ronan. It was a mixture of rage and sadness, a familiar feeling. Ronan didn’t say anything. He wasn’t angry with Matthew. Hell, he wasn’t even angry with Declan. He was furious that they hadn’t just fucking told him, but it didn’t matter. It was what Matthew wanted that mattered, even though that meant Ronan would be the only Lynch left in Henrietta. Ronan closed his eyes for a while, then swallowed hard.

“I’m going home,” he told Declan.

“Ronan, please.”

“It’s fine,” Ronan repeated. “It doesn’t matter.”

Matthew appeared again just as he started for the hallway. His usually gleeful expression turned sad. “You’re leaving?” he said, disappointment in the tone of his voice.

“Yeah,” Ronan said quietly. “I’ve gotta get back.” He didn’t want to make an excuse, as he didn’t want to lie to Matthew.

“You know,” Matthew said.

“It’s alright,” Ronan reassured him.

Matthew’s face lit up at that, which shattered Ronan. Matthew smiled, and Ronan pulled him into a hug, before grabbing his things and getting out of there. He had to get out. He had to go home. He just had to go. A tear slid down at the corner of his eye, and Ronan cursed through his teeth. He had to go home.

 

▲▼▲

 

Adam sorely needed sleep, but in the past week he had been unable to get any. He was used to being sleep deprived due to work and late hours working on assignments for college, but now there was another matter that kept him up at night. Ronan Lynch. He had gone over in his head what he could say to him, but nothing seemed to work, and it annoyed him. This was getting to a point where it just seemed too absurd for him. Why would Ronan Lynch kiss him? What was his motive? This, Adam knew, was not something to be experimented with. He couldn’t.

He had gone to the coffee shop that Sunday to study. Gansey had told him that Ronan would be out of town all weekend, so he might as well go when he was not there. He had grown very fond of this place. However, Ronan _was_ at work. Adam didn’t notice until it was already too late, having sat down at his usual table. He didn’t look at Ronan, but he felt his face turn red as he took out his books from his backpack.

Blue came over to his table with a coffee cup. She was side eyeing the counter for a while before she placed the cup in front of Adam. He looked at her questioningly. She shook her head a little. “He came back early from DC, but he keeps insisting nothing’s wrong,” she told him, still eyeing the counter. Adam looked over to see what she was staring at. Behind the counter, Ronan was putting out clean mugs. Adam didn’t see anything wrong with that.

“Did he say something?” he asked Blue. “Something out of the ordinary, I mean.”

“He hasn’t really said much at all,” Blue said.

Adam thought it might be because of him, but then again, Ronan didn’t seem to either notice or care that Adam was at the shop, so he pushed the thought away. Why would Ronan even consider him anyway? It was all really stupid, so Adam decided to stop thinking about Ronan Lynch all together.

“I gotta get back to work, but I’ll make sure to keep that coffee cup of yours filled at all times,” Blue said and smiled before walking back.

 

▲▼▲

 

Ever since Ronan had come back from DC, Gansey had noticed something was wrong. It wasn’t that hard to do, because as the week proceeded, Ronan seemed more and more like the boy who found both of his parents dead in the shop. Broken and angry. Gansey wondered if this had something to do with Adam, but it seemed a little more profound than that. And it had been _after_ him going with Matthew to DC. Gansey thought about calling Declan, but he wasn’t sure about what to ask him.

The week went on and Ronan seemed more and more aggravated. It came to a point where it was too much for even Blue to swallow at times.

“I don’t understand what has gotten into him,” she said in sheer frustration. “I know he can be rude and all, but he hasn’t been like this in years.”

“I’ll talk to him,” Gansey promised her. And he realized he would sooner rather than later, because that following Sunday morning, he got a phone call from Declan.

When Gansey got to the coffee shop, Ronan and Blue seemed to be in a heated conversation. Apparently she had had enough of his attitude, and he was not having her bickering about it either. There wasn’t a lot of people in the shop at the time being, but the few who were there, including Adam and Noah, were watching. Gansey got close enough to hear Blue speak to Ronan through clenched teeth.

“If you can’t keep your act together, then I think you should go home,” she told him.

“Who the fuck do you think own this place, Sargent?” Ronan spat in return.

“At this point I don’t care, either you go home, or you fucking close this place, because you can’t act like this around customers.” The look on Ronan’s face when she said that, was horrifying. It was a mixture of disbelief, utter furiousness, and something vengeful.

“You want to close the shop?” Ronan asked in an intensely determined voice that would have scared most people. “You want to close the shop, Blue?” Ronan had raised his voice immensely.

“Ronan, relax,” Gansey said, keeping his voice sturdy.

“No, fuck that,” Ronan snapped. “You want to close the shop, then we fucking close the shop. You hear that, everyone?” Ronan shouted out the latter. “We are fucking closed. Get the fuck out of here.” Not a single person in the shop seemed to need to be asked twice. They all picked up their things and left, with only Adam and Noah hesitating. “You too,” Ronan said to Blue. “Get the fuck out. You are fucking fired.”

“Ronan,” Gansey said. “Lynch. That’s enough.”

“No, don’t, Gansey,” Blue said furiously. “I fucking quit either way.” She took off her apron and threw it at Ronan, who just let it fall to the floor. His face was like stone, unmoved and unmoving.

Gansey followed Blue to the door as she stormed off. “You said you would talk to him,” she hissed at Gansey when she met up with Adam and Noah, who were both looking at him with wide, questioning eyes. Adam’s eyes had a hint of guilt lingering in them, but Gansey shook his head at him.

“I’ll fix this,” he told Blue.

“Don’t fucking bother,” Blue replied as she pushed through the door. Adam and Noah followed her quietly. Gansey turned the open/closed sign to closed and turned towards Ronan, who still hadn’t moved.

“What the hell, Lynch?” Gansey said, returning to Ronan.

“Get out of here,” Ronan said in a hushed voice.

“No,” Gansey told him.

“Get out!” Ronan spoke through clenched teeth as he placed his hands on top of the counter.

“No,” Gansey told him again, in a slightly gentler tone of voice than before. He held Ronan’s glare with his own eyes, refusing to look away. The only thing that separated them at that moment was the counter, and Gansey placed his own hands on top of it. Even though Ronan was taller than Gansey, and scary-looking, Gansey didn’t find him intimidating. “Come sit with me,” Gansey told him. Ordered him. He then slid down to sit on the floor in front of the counter, leaning his back against it. He sat there quietly, simply waiting.

Ronan slid down next to him a moment later. He didn’t look at Gansey, and he kept his distance. They sat quietly like that for a while. Gansey hoped Ronan had calmed a little, before he spoke.

“Declan called,” he said.

Ronan made a sound of displeasure. “Of course,” he muttered.

“You weren’t at church this morning,” Gansey continued.

Ronan didn’t answer. Gansey looked at him. His facial expression was like before, unmoved and unmoving. Ronan Lynch was grieving, but he was not about to admit that.

“What happened?” Gansey asked.

“You talked to Declan, right?” Ronan asked bitterly.

“Yes,” Gansey said.

“Then you already know,” Ronan told him.

“I want to hear it from you,” Gansey said.

Ronan laughed. It was a bitter laugh. “Don’t,” he said.

“Alright,” Gansey replied, not pushing it. “But I still want you to talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. It doesn’t matter,” Ronan said.

“Judging by the way you have been acting, it doesn’t seem that way.”

Ronan was quiet. He picked on one of his leather wristbands, leaning his arms across his knees. Gansey had seen a version of this Ronan before. This was not as bad as it had been back then, but still something stuck in Gansey’s chest. It had been years ago, but the memory of driving Ronan to the ER was not something Gansey would ever forget. He had spent hours there as they stitched Ronan’s broken skin back together, and even more hours washing the blood out of the Camaro.

“Just because he’s moving, doesn’t mean he can’t come back,” Gansey said.

“I know that.”

Of course he did. That wasn’t the issue. The issue might have been the fact that they hadn’t told him right away. The issue might have been the fact that Ronan would now be the only Lynch in Henrietta. The issue might also be both, and in that way reopening a wound that had slowly been healing. Gansey remembered what Ronan had looked like before Niall and Aurora Lynch had been killed. He also remembered what he looked like after. The image of the angry, hurt, and broken boy had latched itself to a memory in the back of Gansey’s mind.

“If I tell him he can’t go, I will be no better than Declan,” Ronan said quietly. “He wants this, so it’s fine.”

“You’re allowed to be upset about it,” Gansey told him.

“Right,” Ronan said, still picking at his wristbands.

Something stirred at the back of Gansey’s mind and he felt his chest tighten. Ronan looked over at Gansey for a second, then he sighed loudly and leaned his head back to the counter, closing his eyes.

“I made a promise, Gansey,” he said. Gansey remembered what Ronan had said back then, but it didn’t stop him from worrying.

“I know that.”

“So stop,” Ronan said, opening his eyes to turn and look at Gansey. “I don’t lie, Gansey.”

“No,” Gansey said. “But you evade the truth.”

“Fuck off,” Ronan said. And it was done. Gansey didn’t need to say anything else, because he had gotten the message across. He knew that, and Ronan knew that. Ronan just needed time, and that was alright.

“Do you want to go for a drive?” Gansey asked after a while.

“I can’t just leave the store like this,” Ronan said, leaning back again.

“You should take a day off,” Gansey told him.

“I made a promise to never keep it closed,” Ronan mumbled. He sounded exhausted, almost just like Adam.

“I’ll tell you what,” Gansey said, getting up on his feet. “I’ll make a plea with Blue. I know she is furious with you, but I’m sure she’ll come back in for the day. You’ll have to apologize to her at some point though, just not today. She might actually murder you.”

“Alright,” Ronan said, still seated on the floor.

“Tomorrow, you take the full day off. I can cover for you for a while and Noah can probably do the same.”

“Alright,” Ronan said again. “But I get to pay you.”

“Now you just sound like Adam,” Gansey said and sighed out loud. “But alright.”

He held out a hand for Ronan to help him up from the floor. Ronan took it, which surprised Gansey a little. He pulled Ronan up from the floor, then slapped him gently on the back. It seemed lame, but Gansey wasn’t good at these things. He was still worried, but he wouldn’t push the matter any further as it was.

“Where do you want to go?” Ronan asked.

“I was thinking Monmouth,” Gansey told him.

 

The drive was quiet. Neither Ronan nor Gansey spoke. The only sound was the motor of the Camaro running. Gansey loved that sound. It was somewhat soothing, which was what he needed at the moment. He wondered if it was what Ronan needed as well. Ronan didn’t say anything. He didn’t even turn on the radio to find some crappy music. It was strange to see Ronan like this. He had seen Ronan broken before. He knew it too well. This wasn’t the same. It might have been because he wasn’t broken, he was just sad, which was something Gansey hadn’t really seen Ronan express before. He usually turned his sadness into anger.

Gansey parked outside of Monmouth Manufacturing. This place that had been his home for years. He had left it when he went to college, because both Ronan and Noah moved out and he couldn’t stand the thought of being alone, so he found a place at the dorms instead. Living there with Adam reminded him of this place. It was strange, but he missed it. Gansey and Blue went there once in a while to keep it clean, but it wasn’t the same.

Ronan threw himself on the couch in the main room, and Gansey sat down on the bed, which had been his when they had lived there. Ronan placed a hand under his head and closed his eyes. They were quiet for a while. Gansey leaned back to lay down on the bed. He looked up at the roof and was struck by a hint of homesickness. There was a small crack in the roof which he had sometimes spent hours staring at when he couldn’t sleep.

“Sometimes I wish we could just go back here,” he told Ronan. Ronan didn’t reply, so Gansey thought he had fallen asleep. He didn’t really care, so he kept talking. “I could rebuild the place. Make sure there was a room for each, giving everyone some privacy. The entirety of the first floor could be a living room with a little renovation done.”

“You could get rid of the kitchen/bathroom,” Ronan mumbled form the couch.

“Yeah,” Gansey laughed. “It’s not really sanitary.”

“We could move back here,” Ronan said.

“We could. I don’t know about Henry and Noah, they seem pretty happy about their apartment, but there would room for the both of them here. And Blue,” Gansey said, then he thought about it. “And Adam.” He wasn’t sure if it was wise to say that in front of Ronan. He didn’t know how things were between them at the moment.

“Yeah,” Ronan said quietly.

 

▲▼▲

 

Adam was working on his own car at the garage. It was a scrappy thing that Adam just referred to as the “shitbox”. It had a malfunction for the time being, so the name was fitting. Adam had to use his bike or get a ride from Gansey to get around. He didn’t mind, but he wanted to get the car up and running as fast as he could.

He had been working on the car for a while and was about to go and turn it on to check how the engine ran, when someone knocked on the hood. Adam jumped out from under it, and to his surprise he found Ronan Lynch in front of him.

“What the hell?” Adam exclaimed. His heart was pounding in his chest.

Ronan snickered. “How’s the shitbox?” he asked.

Adam leaned in under the hood of the car again. “It’s fine,” Adam said, on autopilot. He was still shocked about Ronan being there. He had meant to talk to him, but he had cowered every time, and ever since Ronan’s eruption the day before, Adam wasn’t sure if he would talk to him at all.

Ronan arched an eyebrow.

“What are you doing here?” Adam asked. “Don’t you have work?”

“I took the day off,” Ronan muttered. He walked over to the driver’s side of the car and turned on the engine. It worked. The sound wasn’t horrible like the Camaro, and it wasn’t smooth like Henry’s car, but it worked. Adam would have been pissed by the rudeness of Ronan’s actions, but he tried to not think about it now that his car was finally working again. “Do you want to take it for a spin?” Ronan asked over the sound of the engine. Adam furrowed his eyebrows. He wasn’t clocked in, since he was working on his own car.

“Sure,” he said.

Ronan slid over to the passenger seat, looking rather ungraceful. Adam slammed down the hood of the car and got into the driver’s seat.

“You’re aware of your own rudeness, right?” Adam asked as he closed the door.

“Sure thing,” Ronan said, grinning.

“Asshole.” Adam just shook his head and backed the car out of the garage. It was strange sitting in the car with Ronan Lynch. Adam didn’t know what to say or if he should speak at all. For a while he didn’t. He just drove, with Ronan in the passenger seat. Ronan put on music at some point. It was a horrible racket, but Adam didn’t ask him to change it. It was an almost soothing sound to Adam’s troubled thoughts, and it took his mind off things for a while.

The car moved almost perfectly. Or as perfectly the shitbox could go, but that was good enough for Adam, because that meant that he didn’t have to spend his spare time trying to fix it.

Adam drove the car to the outside of the town. There were trees on both sides of the road. He wasn’t sure he had ever driven this far out before, but he didn’t care. The car and the music took him as far away as he could get for the time being.

After a while he stopped the car at a rest stop. He turned the engine off, but let the music stay on. He could feel Ronan looking at him, but he didn’t turn. He held his hands on the steering wheel, and looked out of the window to the road ahead of him. The sun was shining through the trees and made shadows on the road. It was beautiful to watch. It seemed peaceful, even with the trash music playing in the background. He contemplated whether he should say something or not, but decided against it. He had been planning in his head what he would say to Ronan when the opportunity presented itself, but now he couldn’t remember any of it.

Ronan opened the car door and walked out to sit on the hood of the shitbox. Adam furrowed his eyebrows, and got out himself. He carefully sat down next to Ronan, not really looking at him, but Ronan seemed to not be looking at him either. Something stirred in Adam’s chest. He had felt this type of panic before, but he tried to ignore it. He rubbed the inside of his palm trying to remove a black stain on his hand. The music was still playing from inside of the car.

“Why did you come today?” Adam asked after a while.

“To chat,” Ronan said quietly.

“You haven’t really said anything,” Adam pointed out, letting his Henrietta accent slip.

“Neither have you.”

“Touché.”

Adam still didn’t understand it. He didn’t know why Ronan was there, why he had kissed him, and what the hell that meant. Ronan was not someone to experiment with, and Adam was not someone to fall in love with, so what were they doing? Adam didn’t know.

“Where did you go?” Ronan asked.

“I panicked,” Adam admitted.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why?” Adam asked.

“I didn’t mean to startle you,” Ronan said nonchalantly and shrugged.

“You didn’t,” Adam said, looking at Ronan for the first time since they got there. Ronan was looking ahead of him. His face caught a little sunlight through through the trees, and Adam had to look away. His heart was racing, because of something Adam didn’t know what was. He swallowed. What the hell was he doing? He kept rubbing at the stain inside his palm. It wasn’t coming off.

Out of nowhere, Ronan took Adam’s hand, licked his own thumb and brushed it over the black on Adam’s palm. Adam involuntarily flinched, and Ronan stopped. He still held onto his hand, but he didn’t move.

“It’s probably oil,” Adam said.

“Probably,” Ronan mumbled.

“Do you want to drive?” Adam asked. He looked up at Ronan carefully.

Ronan, who still held onto Adam’s hand, looked up as well, with an arched brow. “You’re going to entrust me with the Hondayota?” he asked, grinning wickedly.

“Just don’t crash it,” Adam said, retrieving his hand. He got up from the hood of the car and walked over to the passenger side. “And be careful with driving too fast, I don’t have any tools to fix it out here.”

“Roger that,” Ronan said and jumped into the driver’s seat.

Adam got inside as well, and Ronan turned on the engine. It made the same scrambling sound as usual, which meant it was still working. “Where do you want to go?” Adam asked.

“Wherever,” Ronan said.

Adam laughed. “Go for it.”

 

Adam would never admit it, but Ronan was a pretty decent driver. Not at all as horrible as Gansey had told him. Maybe Gansey just didn’t like the way he drove, because it was fast, and a little reckless, but Ronan seemed to be in complete control of every movement. He had slowed down a little when they got back into town, probably to not attract any cops. Which was nice. Adam couldn’t afford to bail him out of jail for speeding.

They parked outside the garage, and the second he saw it, something froze inside of Adam. There was another car parked outside. A familiar car, that Adam had done his best to avoid for the past couple of years.

“You need to leave,” Adam said to Ronan after he turned off the engine.

“What?”

“You need to leave,” Adam said again, a little harsher this time. Panic rose inside his chest. Ronan didn’t say anything, but he got out of the car and slammed the door behind him.

Adam got out of the car as well. Quietly. Warily. He didn’t really know what to do, but he wasn’t going to run away. Not this time. Not like he had for the past couple of years. He would face it head on. He would do that. He would. His heart pounded like crazy inside his chest, and for a moment he wasn’t really sure he was breathing. Not properly.

Inside the garage stood Robert Parrish, the man Adam had tried to forget about.

“Hey, dad,” Adam said bleakly.

“Don’t ‘hey, dad’ me,” Robert Parrish said. He was angry, which would have made sense to Adam, if he knew why he was here. Yes, he hadn’t been home in almost two years, but they’d done nothing to prevent that, so why would he be here? He tried to think of a reason, but came up with nothing. “You don’t come home, you stay at this snobby college of yours that’s clearly more important to you than me and your mother. And yet here you are, making money, not giving a damn about your family.”

“So that’s why you’re here, then?” Adam braved himself with each word, hoping that there was no sound of fear as he spoke. “You want money, is that it?”

“Don’t talk back at me, you ungrateful piece of shit,” his father spat the words at him.

Adam wondered what he had ever had to be grateful for, but before he had time to brace himself, Robert Parrish slapped him across the face. It wasn’t hard enough to send him reeling, but he felt blood dripping from his lower lip. This seemed to displease his dad, because he took another swing at him as Adam touched his lip for damage control. Once again, his reactions were too slow. The swing came with a fist this time, to the right side of his face, and hit him in the eye. This time, Adam lost balance and fell to the ground. His head was hammering and he blinked, feeling tears running from his eyes like he was crying. He touched the side of his face as he tried to stumble back on his feet. His vision was slightly blurry, and he was worried he might be going blind.

When he had been younger, his dad had accused him of faking it. Like he fell on purpose. But not this time. This time, when Adam tried to get up, he felt a kick in his left side, that sent him down again, and for a moment he couldn’t breathe. As he gasped for air, he prepared himself for another blow, but all he heard was loud shouting from his dad, then another voice. Ronan.

When Adam finally managed to scramble to a somewhat upright sitting position on the ground, there was already a brawl happening in front of him. He tried to get up, tried to say something to make them stop, but he couldn’t. He was frozen, and all he could do was watch as his dad tried to beat the shit out of a person that Adam could have learned to care for.

That didn’t happen. It occurred to Adam that Ronan must have fought before, because for every blow that Robert Parrish tried to lay on him, Ronan was able to block it with his hands. However, it didn’t go on for long, because there was a sound of sirens getting closer and closer, until Adam was certain they must be just outside the garage. Adam realised that someone had called them, and they would arrest Ronan and his dad. Adam felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Mr. Boyd, the owner of the garage. He helped Adam up from the ground and tugged him to the side to let the police officers do their job, but Adam wanted to protest. He wanted to make them stop, tell them that Ronan had done nothing wrong. Not really. But once again, he was frozen.

 

▲▼▲

 

Gansey was parked outside of the hospital. His hands gripped tight on the steering wheel of the Camaro, knuckles whitening. He was waiting for Adam to come out. They’d said he didn’t need to stay the night for observation, but Gansey wished he would. He wished Adam would let someone take care of him, just once.

Gansey let go of the steering wheel when he saw Adam exit the hospital. He clenched his teeth and felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach. Gansey had thought this would never happen again now that Adam wasn’t living with his parents anymore, but he had been wrong. It had been almost two years, and yet here they were.

Adam’s lower lip was split, his right eye was badly bruised and swollen, and he held his hand on his left side, which indicated that his ribs might be bruised as well. Gansey hoped he hadn’t broken anything.

Adam opened the door to the car, slowly, then slumped down into the seat with a groan. Gansey furrowed his eyebrows, taking in the look of him.

“Don’t say anything, Gansey,” Adam said in a hushed voice.

“I won’t,” Gansey told him. Not knowing what else to do, he asked, “Where do you want to go?”

“What does it matter?” Adam asked, a hint of spite in the tone of his voice.

“Adam.”

“It doesn’t matter where I go, he will always be here, in Henrietta,” Adam said angrily. “You said that moving out would stop it, but that’s just fucking bullshit.”

Gansey didn’t know what to tell him. He wanted to say something, but everything that came to mind would end up in a fight with Adam, and he couldn’t do that.

“I need to get some money from the garage. To pay for the bill,” Adam muttered.

“I took care of it,” Gansey told him, feeling the knot in his gut tighten. “I know you don’t have insurance, so I took care of it.”

Adam didn’t say anything. Gansey could see him clench and unclench his teeth. Just for a second, it looked like Adam was about to leave, then he slammed both his fists onto the dash of the car and screamed. Gansey blinked and held his breath. It seemed to have hurt a lot, because Adam held onto his left side and bent over slightly. His breath was ragged as he started crying. He rested his head on his left arm, tugging at his hair. After a series of uncontrollable sobs, Adam inhaled sharply, then exhaled. He was shaking a little, but he managed to keep his breath steady afterwards. Gansey soundlessly started breathing again himself, making sure Adam wouldn’t know he had held it.

“I need you to take me to the police station,” Adam said quietly.

“What?”

“I’m going to press charges.”

 

▲▼▲

 

Ronan was sitting in one of the cells at the only police station in Henrietta. It was chilly, but he didn’t mind. He had placed his bruised knuckles on the the cold concrete floor. There was a bed to sit on, but the cool of the floor was soothing. He was leaning against the wall, resting his head backwards against it, keeping his eyes closed. He knew he might end up staying here all night, or maybe longer, if Robert Parrish managed to press charges against him. He could have called Gansey, or even Declan, but he couldn’t be bothered with it just yet.

An officer came by, knocking on the cell. Ronan opened his eyes.

“It’s your lucky day, pal,” he said. “You’re getting out.”

Ronan knitted his eyebrows together, but he got on his feet as the officer unlocked the door. He held it open, and Ronan muttered a “thanks” to him as he walked out. He was still confused by why he was being let go, but he thought he understood when he saw Gansey standing by the information desk.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Ronan asked.

“Adam is pressing charges against his dad,” Gansey told him in a low voice. Ronan clenched his teeth. “Get your things, and wait by the car, will you?”

Ronan nodded, and did as he was asked.  

 

Ronan was sitting on the hood of the Camaro when Adam and Gansey got out of the police station. The sight of Adam made Ronan furious, but he swallowed it. He wasn’t going to say anything. Or do anything, which was more likely for him than talking. He got off the hood as Gansey walked over to unlock the car.

“Do you need a lift?” Gansey asked, sounding very tired.

Ronan just nodded, keeping his eyes warily on Adam.

Then Gansey turned to Adam. “If you want, I can give you the number of a lawyer I know. He doesn’t cost much, and he’s really good at his job. I think-”

“You think what?” Adam cut him off, seeming resentful. “You don’t think I can find my own lawyer if I need one?” His voice rose and he was almost shaking.

“That’s not what I-”

“You don’t have to come to my rescue, Gansey, I don’t need your help,” Adam more or less shouted at him. “I can manage on my own, I don’t fucking need you.”

In that moment Gansey looked heartbroken, or worse, because Ronan had seen him heartbroken before, back when Blue had broken up with him for about a week when Gansey was about to start college. This was different. If Ronan had ever seen a punch in the gut, it was exactly this.

Adam turned to walk away, and for a moment it seemed like Gansey was going to let him, but then he stepped forward.

“Adam, wait.” His voice was emotionless. “Just let me drive you back to the dorms.”

Adam stopped in his tracks, then he turned and walked back to the Camaro. He went over to the passenger’s side, opened the door, slid the seat up so he could get into the back, then pulled the seat back again. Hard. Ronan looked at Gansey, but neither he nor Gansey spoke before getting into the car as well.

The ride was quiet all the way to the dorms. When Gansey parked the car, Ronan got out to let Adam out from the back, then Adam took off. Ronan stared after him for a while, then he got back into the car. Gansey was quiet. He was leaning his head against the headrest, eyes closed, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger. After a while he let out a sigh, then straightened his posture and started the car up again.

“Want me to take you home?” he asked Ronan.

“Gansey,” Ronan started, but he didn’t know how to put into words what he wanted to say.

“Actually, I’ve got to pick Blue up from work, do you mind coming along?” Gansey said, ignoring the situation completely.

“No,” Ronan said. “I don’t mind.”  

 

▲▼▲

 

Blue Sargent was just about to finish cleaning the tables when the Camaro parked outside the coffee shop. She still had about 15 minutes until she was off her shift, so Gansey was early, but she didn’t mind. Or she minded a little, because Ronan was with him. She clenched her teeth and breathed through her nose. Whatever anger she felt for Ronan at that moment, she decided to let go, because Ronan looked like he had been in a fight and Gansey looked completely drained.

“What the hell happened?” Blue asked when they stepped into the shop.

Ronan held out a hand for her to give him the washing cloth she was holding. She did. Gansey slumped down on one of the chairs at the table she had been cleaning.

“What happened?” Blue asked again, in a less harsh manner.

Gansey told her. “He said he didn’t need me,” he ended the retelling with. His voice was strained. It wasn’t like when he went Richard Campbell Gansey III around rich people, he was never like that with her, but he was still trying to keep it together. “What do I do?” he whispered. She wasn’t quite sure if the question was meant for her.

“Give him time to calm down, for starters,” she told him, placing a hand on top of his and squeezing it lightly.

“Yeah,” he said, voice still low.

She sat quietly, holding his hand for a while. Like this, she didn’t really need to say anything.

“Do you think,” he started, quietly, “that all I am is just the money?”

“What?” she asked, knitting her eyebrow together.

“Nothing,” he muttered.

“Gansey.” Her voice was stern, and she let go of his hand to move over to his side of the table and sat down on top of it.

“It’s seems that all I have, is money, and nothing I do ever matters. I’m just Richard Campbell Gansey III, the rich guy. Nothing else.”

Blue had only seen Gansey this low once before, but before she could say anything Ronan abruptly cut in. “Don’t be fucking stupid.” The words were harsh, but the tone of his voice was not. He walked over to the other side of Gansey and sat down on the table, as well.

“I agree,” Blue said.

Gansey looked up at her. She placed a kiss on top of his forehead.

“Get out of here,” Ronan said. “I’ll finish closing up the place.”

 

▲▼▲

 

Ronan woke up with a jerk. Something had brought him out of his sleep, but he wasn’t sure what. He looked at his phone to check the time. It was 3.32. He could still catch a few more hours.

He was about to put the phone down when Blue called. He looked at it for roughly two seconds before answering. He felt something tug in his gut.

“Are you up?” Blue asked, sounding a little out of it.

“I am now,” Ronan said. “What’s going on?”

“I need you to come to the hospital,” she said. “Gansey’s been in a car accident.”

The last sentence sounded like a blur. Like he didn’t really hear it. It didn’t really happen. It was just a bad dream. It had to be.

“Ronan?” Blue said. He could tell that she was crying.

“I’m on my way,” he said quietly.

 

The drive to the hospital seemed to take forever. Like the BMW wouldn’t go any faster no matter how hard he stepped on the gas pedal. His entire being was trembling. He hadn’t even asked Blue if Gansey was okay, but he could tell by the sound of her voice that he wasn’t. She wasn’t one to cry.

He walked around what felt like the entire hospital, before he was able to find her. Henry and Noah were there as well. Adam was not.

“What happened?” Ronan asked, stopping in front of Blue, who was sitting on the floor, bent forward with her hands wrapped under her knees.

It had been a side collision. Whoever had hit him had taken off. The Camaro was a total wreck. Gansey was in surgery. Head injury, punctured lung, broken leg. Would he be alright? They didn’t know.

Ronan clenched his fist. He turned and walked away. He needed to get out. He couldn’t be there. He found the end of the corridor and slammed his fist against the wall.

“Ronan,” he heard Blue’s voice behind him.

He stood still.

“Ronan, please don’t be like this,” Blue said.

He unclenched his fist, placing his palm against the cool wall. He wanted to scream, but the thing was, it wouldn’t matter if he did. So he just turned, so that he could lean his back against the wall instead. Blue stood right in front of him. She looked pretty broken down, so he held out a hand to her and pulled her into a hug.

“I’m going to call Declan,” he muttered after a moment.

“Declan?” she asked, pulling away a little bit.

“He’s... friends with Helen,” Ronan told her. “I’m guessing someone should tell his family.”

“Yeah,” Blue mumbled. “Thanks. I didn’t think about that.”

“But you called Cheng and Noah,” Ronan said dryly.

“Fuck you,” Blue said.

“I’m sorry,” Ronan told her. He walked towards the exit of the hospital wing and dialed Declan’s number.

His brother didn’t answer right away, so Ronan let the phone ring for a while. Declan picked up eventually. “Ronan?” he said, drowsily. “Do you have any idea what time it is?”

“Not really,” Ronan told him, truthfully. He hadn’t really looked at the time since he got to the hospital.

“What’s going on, bro?” Declan asked, sounding more awake.

Ronan explained shortly. “You’re still seeing Helen, right?”

“Sort off,” Declan said. “I’ll let her know.”

“Thank you,” Ronan said. And he meant it.

“Are you going to be alright?” Declan asked him.

A tear ran down from Ronan’s eye. Then another. Then before he knew it, he was crying.

 

The morning after, Ronan went to St. Agnes church. He hadn’t been there for a while, and now more than ever, he needed to go. The church was always open for people who needed it, and to Ronan’s relief, it was empty. He sat down in one of the pews closest to the altar. He wasn’t one for praying. He never had been, but now he considered it. He took a deep breath, and instead of a prayer, he exhaled and said, “If he fucking dies, I will burn this shit to the ground.” He almost meant it, too. “Please don’t take him now, it’s too soon,” he whispered.

A moment passed, then someone sat down next to Ronan in the pew. Ronan turned and found Matthew there. He frowned. He hadn’t talked to him since DC.

“How’s Gansey?” Matthew asked, not looking at Ronan.

“Alive,” Ronan told him.

“Good.”

“How did you find out?”

“Declan. Duh.”

There was a pause.

“You lied to me,” Matthew told him, and finally turned to look at Ronan. “You said it was fine, but you lied.”

Ronan took a moment before replying, “I didn’t lie.” And he hadn’t, not really.

“Then why weren’t you here on Sunday?” Matthew had a deep furrow between his eyebrows. It was a look Ronan had never seen on his younger brother before. “If everything was alright, you would have been here.”

Ronan didn’t reply.

“Do you hate me?” Matthew asked.

“No!” Ronan exclaimed, shocked that he would even think that.

“Then why are you angry with me?” This would be an absurd assumption in any other situation, but Ronan and Matthew had never fought, so he could understand why Matthew assumed that.

“I’m not angry with you,” Ronan told him.

“Then why did you lie?” The question came like a whisper, and Ronan saw that Matthew was about to start crying.

“I didn’t lie,” Ronan said again. “If you want to move to DC, that’s fine. But I’m going to miss you. Come on, dude, did you think I wasn’t going to be sad that you’re moving? Of course I am, but it’s your choice.”

“So if I don’t move, you won’t sad anymore?” Matthew asked.

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

“I know, but-”

“Matthew,” Ronan said in a stern tone.

“Right,” Matthew said. He hung his head a little.

Ronan put his arm around Matthew’s shoulder and pulled him into a loose hug, resting his chin on top of Matthew’s blond curls.

Matthew sat back up after a while. “I think Declan is right,” he said. “You need a girlfriend.”

“Right,” Ronan said in a low voice.

“Hur.” Matthew said. “Dur.” There was a pause. “I mean a boyfriend.”

“Right,” Ronan said again.

 

The next morning, Ronan parked the BMW outside the garage where Adam worked. Gansey had made it out of surgery, but he was still unconscious. The doctors couldn’t tell when he would wake up, but for now he was out of danger. Blue had tried calling Adam, but he hadn’t picked up, so Ronan went to the garage to see if he was there. The shitbox was, at least. Then again, it might have been there since last night.

“Parrish?” Ronan said, as he stepped into the garage.

“Can I help you?” a man who looked like he was in his mid-forties asked him. Ronan wasn’t sure, but it might have been the same man that was there the other night.

“Is Adam Parrish here?” Ronan asked.

“In the back,” the man told him, pointing towards the back of the shop. “Someone brought a car in this morning, and honestly it’s pretty wrecked. I don’t really think the boy should be in at the moment. He and the car looks a lot alike.” Ronan furrowed his eyebrows at the man. “Would you be able to talk him into taking the day of?”

Ronan nodded. “I’ll try.” Then he walked over to the back to see what the fuck the man was talking about.

What met Ronan, was a sight he wished wouldn’t have seen. The Camaro stood in the garage, wrecked to the point where it physically hurt Ronan to look at it. “You here, Parrish?” he asked out loud. There was a series of small thuds coming from the other side of the car. Ronan walked over and found Adam sitting on the ground next to it. His body was slouched, his knees were pulled up to his chest and he had his arms folded on top of them hiding his face. Ronan walked over and sat down next to him. Adam lifted his head as he did, leaning it back towards the car. He had been crying.

“I take it you already have an idea what happened,” Ronan said in a low voice.

Adam nodded. “Is he alright?” he asked. His voice was barely a whisper.

“Doctor says he’s going to live,” Ronan told him.

Adam nodded again. “I tried calling Blue, but-” he trailed off, and Ronan noticed how he didn’t seem to bother hiding his Henrietta accent.  

“She didn’t pick up?”

“I didn’t hit call,” Adam said. “I didn’t know what I would do if he turned out to be dead.”

Ronan sat quietly for a while without saying anything. Words weren’t his strongest suit, and he didn’t know what to say to Adam to make him feel better, so he kept quiet.

“I was such a fucking douchebag,” Adam said after short moment. Ronan knew what he was referring to, but didn’t say anything. “I treated him like complete shit, when he was just trying to help me.” Adam’s voice broke.

“You’re not wrong,” Ronan said quietly.

“Thanks,” Adam muttered.

“He doesn’t resent you for it,” Ronan told him. It was true. Gansey would never do that. Not ever. “But I suppose I understand why he hates your parents.”

“He said that?”

“Once.” Ronan turned his head to look at Adam. His cheeks were streaked.

“Can you fix it?” Ronan asked. He nodded his head a little to the side to gesture towards the Camaro.

“I can,” Adam told him. “But it’ll take some time, and-” He paused, knitting his eyebrows together. A pained look came across his face and he swallowed. “And I don’t have the money for parts.” The sentence came out as a whisper through gritted teeth.

“You don’t have to pay for it, though,” Ronan told him.

“I know that,” Adam said. “I just-”

“Wanted to finish it before he got out of the hospital?”

Adam nodded.

“If I pay for the parts,” Ronan said carefully, “can you fix the car?”

Adam nodded again.

“Let’s go for a drive,” Ronan said and got up on his feet. He held out his hand for Adam, who grabbed it and winced slightly as Ronan pulled him up from the ground.

“I can’t be long. I am kinda clocked in,” Adam told him.

“No, you’re not,” the man from before said, as he walked in and picked up a toolbox. “Take the day off, will you? Heal up a bit. You can come back tomorrow if you don’t have school work.” He had a worried expression on his face.

Adam hesitated a little, but eventually nodded, and walked out with Ronan.

“We’re taking the BMW,” Ronan told Adam as they got out of the garage.

“What’s wrong with the shitbox?” Adam asked.

Ronan gave Adam a look, and kept walking towards the BMW. He did not plan on driving the Hondayota today. He held the keys to the BMW out to Adam to ask if he wanted to drive, but Adam just shook his head and got into the passenger’s seat.

“Where to?” Adam asked when they were both seated in the car.

“Have you ever been to Monmouth?” Ronan asked him.

“The factory Gansey bought? No, I haven’t,” Adam told him. “But he’s talked about it a lot. Why?”

“I’m going to show you something,” Ronan said, then he started the car and drove off.

 

▲▼▲

 

Ronan parked the car outside Monmouth Manufacturing. Adam had never been on the inside, but he had seen it before. It looked abandoned, and a little bit haunted. Adam had always wondered if it actually was, but hadn’t dared to ask Gansey about it.

The first floor contained nothing, so they went up the stairs to the second floor which was where people had been living. The main room contained a large bed, a couch, stacks upon stacks with books, and boxes with things that Adam suspected were Gansey’s. There were three other rooms. Two, Ronan explained, had belonged to him and Noah. Then there was the third room, which had Adam questioning everything he knew about Gansey. “Why the hell is there a bathroom in the kitchen?”

“You mean ‘why the hell is there a kitchen in the bathroom’?” Ronan asked.

“What?”

“When Gansey renovated this place, he kinda forgot about the fact that he would need a place to make food, so he just put it in the bathroom,” Ronan explained.

“That can’t be sanitary,” Adam mumbled, and Ronan laughed a little. It was nice, Adam thought. The laugh seemed genuine, even though his mood didn’t quite match it.

“He talked about moving back here,” Ronan told him. “But making room for more people. And getting rid of the combined bathroom and kitchen.”

Adam thought about that for a while. He had been living with Gansey at the dorms for the past couple of years, and he had hated it, but it was better than living with his parents. If Gansey moved back to Monmouth, where would he go? He couldn’t go back to his parents, not ever, but he couldn’t afford to live at the dorms by himself. He had been paying his part for the room he shared with Gansey, but he had only been able to do that because it was Gansey.

Ronan seemed to catch up on Adam’s trail of though, because he lightly tapped a hand on the side of Adam’s shoulder, just for a second to get his attention. “He’d ask you to stay here, too, if you’d want to,” he told him.

Adam thought about that for a second as well, and realised that Ronan was right. Gansey would do that. The thought of it tugged something in the pit of his stomach and Adam felt the need to sit down, so he walked over to the couch. “What is your plan?” Adam asked Ronan. “I’m guessing there’s a reason you wanted to show me this place.”

Ronan didn’t answer. He walked around in the main area. Pacing. Cracking his knuckles one at a time. Adam was worried they might break, but he didn’t say anything. Adam thought he looked pained, and that he could understand. But he didn’t understand what they were doing here. Ronan eventually sat down on the couch next to Adam.

“You want to fix this place up,” Adam said, looking around the area, “so that when Gansey gets out of the hospital, he could live here again?” That seemed to be the only logical explanation for the time being, unless Ronan had brought him here to murder him. Which didn’t seem likely.

Ronan nodded and brushed a hand over his face, resting his elbows on his knees, letting his hands drop.

“So, what is your plan?” Adam asked again, leaning a little forward, hands folded between his legs, so that he could look at Ronan’s face. It hurt a little to breathe while sitting bent forward like that, but he decided to endure it for a little while. Ronan turned his head and caught Adam’s gaze, but Adam didn’t falter. He took his time to study his face. He looked tired, but Adam thought he still looked handsome. His chin was stubbled, and a little bruised from the fight the other day. He had a hint of a black eye, but it was partially masked by the dark circles under his eyes. His eyes, which were usually a bright blue, had a shadow to them that Adam didn’t know how to interpret, but they were moving, as if Ronan was studying Adam’s face as well.

Subconsciously, Adam held his breath again, and closed his eyes. Then he felt Ronan’s lips press against his own, and he responded. The kiss lasted for what seemed like forever, before Ronan pulled back saying something Adam couldn’t quite catch.

“What?” he asked, exhaling sharply.

“You need to breathe,” Ronan repeated.

Adam felt his face heat up, and he put his hands up to hide his face, leaning back on the couch. He didn’t know how to do this.

“Adam?”

Adam removed his hands from his face and looked over at Ronan again. His facial expression was softer than before, but he had a furrow between his eyebrows. Adam didn’t know how to interpret that either, but he leaned back forward and kissed Ronan again. Adam counted. One. Two. Three. Four. Then he pulled back on five, catching his breath as he had held it once again. “Why?” he whispered, not looking at Ronan at all. “Why me? Why-?”

Ronan didn’t answer him, instead he tilted his head to try and catch his eyes. When Adam finally looked at him, there was warmth in Ronan’s eyes. They were a little tired, a little worried, but warm. It was the answer Adam might have been looking for.

“Asshole,” Adam said.

 

▲▼▲

 

The next few days, Adam was as busy as ever. Working on the Camaro, working at Monmouth, working in general, and on top of that there was college. He had a lot on his hands. They’d gotten Henry and Noah on board for the Monmouth renovation, thankfully, and Blue seemed to love the idea as well. She spent most of her time either at the hospital with Gansey, waiting for him to wake up, or covering shifts at the coffee shop.

They had decided on how to renovate. Adam and Ronan, that was. Noah and Henry went along with whatever they decided, but wanted to help in any way that they could. The main plan was to get the kitchen out of the bathroom, and make the main area into a proper living room.

Ronan wanted to pay for the work on the Camaro, but Adam didn’t want that. He wanted it to be something he could do on his own. He needed to do it on his own. So he worked on it, whenever he could, outside of working hours.

As the days went on, the more worried they got, because Gansey didn’t wake up. Blue was the one spending her time at the hospital, and she was getting furious with both Ronan and Adam for not going to see him. Adam didn’t know Ronan’s reasons, but he himself didn’t have it in him to go. Not until he was done with the car, not until Gansey was awake, not until he’d managed to find the words to apologize.

Adam was, on the other hand, worried about how all of this was affecting Blue’s relationship with all of them. Mostly Ronan, because she had a less difficult time lashing out at him whenever she was pissed off at them. Ronan seemed to ignore it, but it was clear to Adam that it affected him a great deal. Adam decided against his better judgement and chose not to pester him about it.

 

Working on the Camaro was going surprisingly well. Adam hadn’t had much difficulties with it so far, and he was crossing his fingers it would all go smoothly. He had managed to get a few things finished even though he had only been working on it on his free time, which wasn’t much for the time being. Mr. Boyd had told it wouldn’t be an issue, if he decided to spend some time on it while being clocked in. Adam thought he might actually take him up on that.

One of the days Adam was working on the car outside of work, another car was brought in to the garage.

“Come take a look at this, kid,” Mr. Boyd shouted from the front. “Looks like we found the culprit to the crime.”

Adam walked out and saw a wrecked car with a busted front. He knew this car. He knew it very well. “Did it hit the Camaro?” Adam asked bleakly. He had to strain himself to keep his voice even.

“I don’t know for sure, it could be a drunk driver having crashed his car and bolted from it,” Mr. Boyd told him. “Do you recognize it?”

Adam nodded and walked over to it. He examined the front of the car. It looked like it had crashed into another vehicle, but there was no evidence it was the same car. Or, Adam looked closer, and then he saw it. It was small, but there was scraps of bright orange in the wrecked front. Adam’s heart fell and he bolted for the front seat of the car and opened the glove compartment to check if he could find a registration paper. He knew what he would find, but he could still feel the inside of his gut churn. The name on the registration papers was Robert Parrish, as expected. The gun, however, was not.

He slammed the compartment shut and got out of the car. Mr. Boyd shot him a worried glance as he bent over the front of the car, seeing exactly what Adam had noticed.

“This is it, isn’t it, kid?” he asked.

“It’s belongs to my dad,” Adam told him.

Mr. Boyd nodded. “You get going, do what you have to do to get your head cleared, I’ll give the cops a call.”

Adam was grateful for that. He knew he would probably have to talk to the police at some point, but he was glad he didn’t have to do it now. He nodded to Mr. Boyd, then he went to the shitbox, got in, and drove off. He wanted to scream, to punch something, most of all he just wanted to sink into a hole in the ground.

 

▲▼▲

 

When Ronan found Adam at Monmouth, he was drunk. There were several empty beer cans laying around, and Adam was seated next to the door to what was now just the bathroom. He emptied a can just as Ronan entered the second floor, and threw it in front of his feet.

“Hey,” Ronan said, pausing in the middle of the room.

“Hey,” Adam replied slurishly. “I’d offer you one, but I think they’re all empty.” Adam gestured around the room at the empty cans, which were spread out on the floor. Ronan figured the beer had been his at some point, but he didn’t comment on it. He had told him “help yourself,” though this wasn’t exactly what he had meant by that.

“What’s going on, Parrish?” Ronan asked instead.

“Does that work for you? The whole, ‘look at me, I’m so scary’ act?” Adam said, trying to get off the floor, which didn’t really work out for him, so Ronan walked over to give him a hand. “I got it,” Adam muttered, frustrated, and clambered to get onto his feet.

Ronan kept a hand close by in case he fell. If it had been him, Gansey would have let him stay down, saying it was his fault for getting shitfaced, but still bring him coffee and french fries the next morning. Adam didn’t seem to be the person to get drunk like this on a regular basis, so Ronan decided not to be a douchebag about it. At least not for the time being.

“Don’t,” Adam said, when Ronan made a second attempt at helping him stay on his feet. “Just, leave me alone, will you?”

“Come on, Parrish,” Ronan said, and tugged lightly at his arm. He was hoping to at least get him to sit on the couch.

“No!” Adam spat at him. “What’s the point, Ronan.”

Ronan wasn’t sure what he meant by that, but he didn’t interrupt.

“He could have killed him,” Adam said frantically.

“What?” Ronan asked, and furrowed his eyebrows.

“How the hell am I supposed to show my face again?”

“What the fuck are you talking about, Adam?”

“The car,” Adam whispered, hanging is head. “It belonged to my dad.” Adam explained, in drunken words, about the car that was brought in to the garage that morning. Ronan subconsciously clenched his teeth, and a line drew between his brows as Adam spoke.

“That is not on you,” Ronan told him, his voice was stern, but he managed to keep it calm. He lifted his hand, to place it onto Adam’s face, neck, shoulder, or anywhere really to snap him out of whatever self destructive train of thoughts he was having. But before Ronan could reach him, Adam slapped his hand away, hard. It didn’t seem to have been his intention, because his face looked mortified by his own action.

“Oh no,” Adam whispered and slid back down on the floor. Ronan crouched down next to him. “I’m just like him,” Adam then mumbled.

“No,” Ronan said, refusing to let Adam believe that.

“I,” Adam started, but he trailed off.

“Come on,” Ronan told him, pulling Adam up from the floor again. “You’re gonna sleep this off.”

Adam stumbled to his feet again, holding onto Ronan’s shirt, because standing didn’t seem to be an option at the moment. Ronan slid his arm around Adam’s waist and kept him from falling down again. He steered Adam towards the bed in the main room. It wasn’t that hard, because Adam didn’t struggle as they walked, but at some point he started crying. Ronan almost didn’t notice at first, because it was so quiet, but then it turned into silent sobs as Ronan placed him down on the bed. He barely managed to remove the blanket, before Adam slumped down onto it.

Adam buried his face in the pillow. “I’m sorry,” he said between sobs. It was a muffled sound coming from the pillow.

Ronan ignored it for the time being as he proceeded to remove Adam’s shoes so that he could lift his feet up onto the bed as well. He put the blanket over Adam’s shaking body. It reminded Ronan of a cat, curled up almost into a ball.

“I’m sorry,” Adam sobbed again. “I’m sorry.”

“No,” Ronan said, sitting at the foot of the bed.

“Please,” Adam whimpered. “Don’t go.”

Ronan hadn’t planned to leave, but he moved over to the other side of the bed, removing his own shoes in the progress. He placed his head on the pillow next to Adam, lying on top of the blanket, listening to Adam’s silent sobs, until he finally fell asleep.

 

▲▼▲

 

When Adam woke up, he thought he was dying. His head felt like it was about to explode, he was dehydrated and he really, really needed to pee. He groaned out loud.

“Are you alive, Parrish?” Ronan’s voice came from somewhere that seemed far away, but it was also very loud at the same time.

“No,” he muttered.

“The toilet is functional, if you need to piss,” Ronan said nonchalantly. Adam did in fact need to pee, but that required moving, and he didn’t feel like doing that just yet.

By the sound of it, it seemed like Ronan was cleaning. The sound of empty cans knocking against each other rung in Adam’s ears and he pulled the blanket over his head. He closed his eyes shut to keep any form of light from peeking through his eyelids.

Adam felt like utter shit. He had tried drinking before, but never been drunk, which meant he had never been hungover before, either. It felt just like the day after a beating, and if someone had offered him death at that moment, he’d take it.

“I’ve ordered some pizza and there’s water and aspirin in the bathroom,” Ronan said and sat down on the bed, which made everything wobble. “How are you feeling?”

“Like dying,” Adam muttered. He wasn’t sure if Ronan heard it. “You stayed,” Adam then pointed out. He lifted the blanked a little away from his head and peeked out. He had to blink a couple of times to clear his vision.

“You asked me to,” Ronan told him.

“Oh.” Adam didn’t really remember that. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“I’m sorry,” Adam mumbled after a moment. He didn’t know where he wanted to start on that, but he knew he ought to apologize either way.

“Don’t,” Ronan said sharply. “You were just drunk, and upset.”

“Exactly,” Adam said. He had become exactly what he had feared. For a split second. The moment seemed really blurry and far away, but Adam remembered enough of it.

Ronan didn’t say anything, and Adam didn’t need him to. What he did need was to go to the bathroom, so he gathered enough strength, pushed the blanket off and got up. His feet wavered as he walked unsteadily to the bathroom. It felt a little like he hadn’t sobered up yet, but his headache told him otherwise. He felt completely disgusting, still wearing yesterday’s clothes, and his hair was a mess. He found the aspirin Ronan had talked about, and gulped them down with chugs of water.

Apparently pizza had arrived while Adam had been in the bathroom, because Ronan was seated on the floor with a large box of pizza next to him. Adam sat down next to him. He’d rather go back to bed, but he felt horrible enough as it was.

“Eat, before it gets cold,” Ronan said, before taking a bite of a half eaten pizza slice. It had pepperoni and pineapple on it.

“Pineapple?” Adam asked.

“If you don’t like it, you can pick it off,” Ronan told him.

“It’s fine,” Adam said, and took a bite. He studied Ronan for a moment. He looked exhausted. “Did you even sleep?”

“A little,” Ronan admitted. “I have to be at work in half an hour. Cheng and Noah are coming to work downstairs. If you want to take a shower, you can do it at my place.”

 

Ronan’s place was an apartment in the same building as the coffee shop, but it was the biggest apartment Adam had ever seen. It was twice as big as his parents’ home at the trailer park. There wasn’t a lot of stuff there, though. It had all the necessities; a huge, but almost empty kitchen; a living room with only a couch and coffee table, and a lot of unpacked boxes. There were several doors in a hallway that lead from the living room; one which was the bathroom, and one that was slightly ajar, which Adam took to be Ronan’s bedroom. Adam wondered how long he had been living there. It didn’t seem like he had ever bothered trying to make the place look a little homely. Not that Adam had ever done that at the dorms, but he didn’t really have the money for that.

“It’s a little messy,” Ronan muttered.

“It’s really not,” Adam said, matter-of-factly.

“Whatever. Towels are in the bathroom. There are some clothes in one of the boxes in the bedroom, just use whatever that fits.” Ronan pointed towards the half-open door. “Take a nap if you need to. I’ll bring you some coffee when I’m done.”

 

Adam stood for a long time in the shower. The warm water felt nice on his body. He dried himself with a towel, then put on the clothes he had found in one of the boxes. He had chosen a plain black sweater and a pair of jeans, both a little too big for him. He had borrowed a pair of boxers as well, since going commando while wearing jeans wasn’t something he wanted to do. The clothes were comfortable, and smelled a little like Ronan. It was weird wearing another man’s clothes, but he was too tired to really care.

He crawled up in Ronan’s bed and covered himself with the blanket. It didn’t take long before sleep caught up with him, but it wasn’t peaceful. What met him was a series of bad dreams; Robert Parrish hitting him; his fight with Gansey; and in his dream, Gansey died. It repeated in cycles, until something shook him awake.

“No!” he screamed and flung his arms around, but they were caught mid air and held still, until Adam managed to focus on where he was and what had happened. Ronan held him firmly by the wrists, but he let go as Adam nudged him away. His heart was hammering in his chest and his throat tightened, making him feel as if he couldn’t breathe. He clasped his hands over his face as he focused solely on breathing, leaning forward and tucking his knees underneath himself. Ronan pulled him into his lap, keeping an arm around his shoulders. Adam cried. Again. He felt utterly pathetic, but he wasn’t able to stop.

“He’s not going to hurt you here,” Ronan mumbled into his hair. “It sucks right now, but it’s going to be alright.”

Adam just clung onto the sleeve of his shirt.

“He’ll be in jail for a while,” Ronan said.

“A while,” Adam muttered.

“If he ever gets out of jail, I’ll run him over with the car,” Ronan said, nonchalantly.

“Don’t do that. I don’t want you to get arrested.”

“That’s nice.”

 

Ronan had in fact brought Adam coffee. Black. Adam was still a little shaky, so he wasn’t sure how good of an idea it was, but he was grateful either way. He wrapped his hands around the warm paper cup. He had shuffled himself back in the bed towards the wall so that he could lean back on it.

“How are you feeling?” Ronan asked, and Adam wanted to ask the same, because Ronan sounded tired. More than he had done the past couple of weeks.

“I’m alright,” Adam said. It was partly true. He didn’t feel as hungover as he had earlier, but that had been replaced by the aftermath of his panic attack. Adam took a sip of his coffee, and sat quiet for a while. The warmth from the cup felt nice. He felt the same calm he had felt after the shower. He wondered if this would also just disappear. It wouldn’t be the first time.

“Noah texted earlier,” Ronan said. “Him and Cheng had to leave for the day, but apparently they are working on something. I don’t know what. It’s supposed to be a surprise.”

“You don’t sound too keen on it,” Adam pointed out.

“I am not a big fan of surprises,” Ronan muttered.

“And yet you are planning one yourself.”

“Pshaw,” Ronan said. It was a sound Blue usually made, but Ronan had clearly adopted it while working with her.

“Can I ask you something?” Adam had been wondering about something for a while, and found that this was the time to ask about it.

“Go for it,” Ronan told him.

“When did you and Gansey become friends?” Adam asked.

“We met at Aglionby. He moved to town around second year. You went there too, right?”

“Yeah.”

“I think,” Ronan said, “I saw you a few times.”

“I was mostly at the library,” Adam told him.

“I was mostly not in class,” Ronan said. “Anyways, Gansey spent a lot of time at the coffee shop. He used to be a lot more snobby about the coffee before he got hooked on the weird ass mint thing he drinks now.” Ronan snorted. “My parents liked him, and Declan thought he was too good to be a friend of mine. I don’t know, he spent so much time there, that sometimes I couldn’t separate him from my own family.”

There was a pause, leaving Ronan looking a little thoughtful. He furrowed his eyebrows and seemed to be contemplating whether he wanted to continue or not. Adam decided to wait it out.

“He,” Ronan said, then paused a little. “He was there after they died. My parents. I ended up moving into Monmouth after that, because there was no point in staying here on my own.” Adam then realized that this apartment had been the home of the entire Lynch family at some point, and for some reason, he felt really small. “We got the apartment, along with a fucking big trust fund.” Sorrow came across Ronan’s face. “We had everything, yet we lost it all.”

“Because the money didn’t mean anything,” Adam added.

“No,” Ronan told him.

“Gansey told me you and Declan had a falling out,” Adam said warily. Gansey had never gone into detail about what had happened.  

“We had different opinions on what to do with the coffee shop. I wanted to keep it running, to keep the business going just like dad did, but Declan didn’t believe it would work and wanted nothing to do with the place. He took it upon himself to be the responsible one, even though he’s only a year older than me. Anyways, I wanted to drop out of Aglionby and start working at the coffee shop, but he forbade me that, and left the shop to be run by strangers.” The last word came out spiteful. Ronan paused a little, to collect either himself or his thoughts, it seemed, then continued. “It turned out that the shop was left to me, but until I was old enough it was Declan’s decision.”

“I guess I can see where things went wrong,” Adam said.

“Yeah, well, he had his reasons,” Ronan explained. “To him it was the place where he lost his parents, which meant that it might be a place where he could also lose me. Or at least that’s how he put it at the time. In the end, when Delcan was moving to DC for college, he gave in. I quit Aglionby, and I’ve been working at the coffee shop since then.”

“Did you work things out?” Adam asked.

“At the time I was actually more angry that he was leaving Henrietta, but to be honest it hadn’t been a home to him in ages, so I understood that he needed to get out. I was grateful that he let me do what I wanted to do.”

Something came across Ronan’s face for a brief second, and he furrowed his brows, contemplating. “Things would have been a lot worse, if Gansey hadn’t been around at the time,” Ronan said. He fidgeted with the leather bands around his wrist.

“What do you mean?” Adam asked, a little worried about what that meant.

“I wasn’t in a good place at the time. I was angry. A lot more of an asshole that I am now.” Ronan paused, and Adam took that time to speak.

“I doubt it,” he said lightly, and Ronan snorted.

“The thing is,” he began, then paused again. “The thing is, I don’t think I would be alive if he hadn’t been there.” The words came out very strained, and he spoke in a wary tone.

Adam then realised what lay behind the fidgeting with the leather bands, and he put down his almost empty coffee cup, and reached over to Ronan’s hands and pulled the wristbands down a little little. His heart sank in his chest, and he looked up at Ronan’s face. He had closed his eyes, and Adam let his thumb run over a pale yet visible scar on his wrist. There was only one, and it seemed like it had been a pretty deep wound. Adam then did something he felt was a little out of character but hoped wouldn’t be too weird.

He tugged Ronan’s hand a little closer to himself, leaned forward, blew lightly on the scar, and placed a kiss on it. He fought against the flush that attacked his neck and cheeks. When he sat back up again, Ronan gave him a puzzled look, and Adam wondered if he might have made a mistake.

“If I kissed you again,” Ronan said, “would you be okay with that?”

Instead of answering, Adam leaned forward and pressed his lips against Ronan’s.

“I take that as a no,” Ronan said, jokingly, when Adam pulled back.

Adam grinned, then nuzzled his nose against Ronan’s shoulder to avoid eye contact. It was going to be fine, he thought. Or hoped. He just needed to allow himself to enjoy this.

 

▲▼▲

 

Ronan got a text from Blue a couple of days later, while he was doing some work at Monmouth, saying that Gansey had woken up. He was a little put off by the fact that she had sent him a text rather than calling him, but he didn’t dwell on it. He figured he would go after finishing up, hoping Gansey wasn’t going to be too angry with him for not being around while he was unconscious. He’d managed to get a few of his part time workers at the coffee shop to cover more of his shifts, so he didn’t need to go in for the day.

The plan had changed a little during the renovation. As it turned out, Gansey had a lot more books than they’d been aware of, so most of the main area had become a small library. They scrapped the plan about making it a living room, so they kept Gansey’s bed there, and moved the living room downstairs along with the kitchen. It was coming along quite well. Henry and Noah had been working on something of their own, and Ronan was now at a point where he didn’t even want to know what it was. It was going to be weird, that was for sure.

 

He met Blue in the corridor at the hospital when he arrived. He had brought her a cup of coffee from the shop as a peace offering, but the look she gave him indicated that she wouldn’t take it. He knew she was angry with him, but he had hoped she would calm down now that Gansey was awake.

“Look who finally decided to show,” she said, spitefully, and completely ignored the cup Ronan held towards her. Before Ronan managed to say anything, she lashed out at him. “Where the hell have you been? And don’t say Monmouth, because renovating the damn place can’t be so important that you didn’t have time to come here.”

Ronan clenched his teeth. He knew she was right, but he hadn’t been able to go. “It’s not like he would have noticed my absence,” he muttered at her.

“But _I_ did _,_ ” she snapped at him. “I was here every day, not knowing whether he would actually wake up or not. I needed you here.”

Her words were like a slap to the face. Or a punch in the gut.

“Sure, Henry and Noah have been here a few times. His family as well. I don’t know what the hell Adam’s excuse is for not showing, and I don’t really care, but you should have been here. Even Declan was here,” she almost shouted at him. “Gansey has always been there for you, and after the way you bitched after DC you should have gotten your shit together and been here because _I_ needed you.” She was rambling like her life depended on it, and Ronan swallowed hard, teeth clenched and his knuckles whitened around the paper cup he was still holding. Her words stung a lot more that he thought they would, but he didn’t blame her for it. He just knew he hadn’t been there for her, and he couldn’t be there for her now.

“Are you done?” he asked, and before she could say anything, he turned and walked away, throwing the coffee cup in the nearest trash can.

 

“Hey,” Adam said to him as he entered the second floor of Monmouth. Ronan ignored it and walked over to the his room and threw himself on the bed. He lay face down for a while, but turned over on his back as he heard footsteps, followed by a low creaking sound from the door.

“What’s going on?” Adam was standing awkwardly by the doorway, seeming to contemplate whether he should enter or not.

“I just came from the hospital,” Ronan murmured. “Gansey is awake.”

“How is he?” Adam asked, his voice wary as he spoke.

“I don’t know, I didn’t get past the hellhound,” Ronan told him. Blue would have actually found that funny, had they still been on speaking terms.

“I’m guessing Blue is not the forgiving kind,” Adam stated, and Ronan just grunted in reply. She wasn’t one to hold a grudge, but she wouldn’t let you off easy, either.

“Maybe you’ll have better luck,” Ronan suggested. Adam didn’t answer, and Ronan didn’t pursue it. He sat up and looked at Adam, who was still hovering by the door. His posture seemed stiff as he leaned onto the door frame, arms crossed, looking down at the floor. “Are you going to stand there all day?”

Adam looked up with furrowed brows, but he walked over and sat down next to Ronan on the bed. Ronan let the knuckle of his index finger trace a line down on Adam’s back, realizing the hoodie he was wearing might be his own. Adam sat still watching his own hands for a while, then he spoke up and begun to tell a story that Ronan had never asked about. Adam told Ronan what had happened in the past, about his dad, how he had ended up moving into the dorms with Gansey, and why his dad had been at the garage in the first place. He ended it all with, “You’ve gotten tangled in the lot of it, so I figured you might as well know.”

Ronan had kept tracing his knuckle across Adam’s back the entire time he spoke, and for each word he seemed a little less tense. Ronan placed a kiss on Adam’s temple. “You know you didn’t have to tell me.”

“I know, but I needed to. I don’t know how much Gansey told you, but I wanted to tell my own story,” Adam explained. Ronan understood. Gansey had in fact told him about Adam’s situation before, but never gone into detail about it. Every man is entitled to his own story, as he would have put it.

They heard the door slam downstairs, and the voices of Noah and Henry.

“What do you think about their addition to the main room?” Adam asked.

Ronan looked at him, confused. “What addition?”

Adam brought him outside to Gansey’s new library/bedroom, where for some reason a bunk bed stood, and Ronan had miraculously missed it earlier. He stood watching it in horror as he realized this was what the two morons had been working on in secret. “What the fuck,” he said and shared a look with Adam, who seemed to be in agreeance with him on this.

“You want to know the worst part is?” Adam asked.

“The fact that Gansey is actually going to love this addition?”

“Exactly.”

 

“Lynch,” Henry exclaimed, when Ronan and Adam walked downstairs.

“What’s going on, Cheng?” Ronan asked. He saw that the pool table had made its way into the living room part of the downstairs area. Henry and Noah were playing a round.

“I’m winning,” Henry said cheerfully.

“You should get a better opponent,” Ronan suggested and winked at Noah, who flipped him off, but grinned just the same.

“I would, if you played,” Henry said, hopefully.

“Nah, man,” Ronan told him. “I don’t want to crush your spirit.”

Noah and Adam laughed.

“Hysterical,” Henry said, trying to sound annoyed, but he smiled lightly.

 

▲▼▲

 

Adam didn’t go to visit Gansey at the hospital. He couldn’t. Did he want to see Gansey? Yes, he did. But he couldn’t bear to look at him after what he had said, after what his father had done. He had his main focus on the car. If only he could finish the car by the time Gansey was out of the hospital. It was possible. Ronan had managed to get all the missing parts that he needed to finish it, so all he needed was the time.

Monmouth was coming close to a finish as well. The kitchen was almost done, there were only a few issues with electricity and water, but Henry said he knew a guy who could help them out with that. The entire project was coming to an end, and the only thing left was for Adam to move in as well.

One afternoon, when Adam was finished working on the car for the day, he went over to Monmouth. The BMW was parked outside, which meant Ronan was there.

Adam walked up to the second floor, but the main room was empty. He noticed that the door to Ronan’s room was ajar and the lights were on. Adam paused at first, but he walked over to the door and knocked three times, then carefully pushed it open.

The room was as empty as Ronan’s apartment, and this too had boxes stacked in a corner. It had a drawer, a lamp and a huge bed in the middle of the room. Ronan was lying on his back on top of the bed. His eyes were closed, but it didn’t look like he was sleeping.

“Hey,” Adam said, still standing in the doorway.

“Hey,” Ronan replied and rolled over on his stomach, which made room on the bed for Adam as well. He hesitated a little, but walked over and lay down on his back next to him.

Ronan lay with folded arms under his head, and looked at Adam over his elbow. Adam held his gaze even though he could only see one of his blue eyes. Adam felt something flutter at the pit of his stomach and he turned to look at the ceiling.

“Maybe I’ve cheated at life,” he whispered to himself.

“Maybe I just dreamt you,” Ronan mumbled in the nook of his elbow.

Adam turned back to look at him. “I don’t mind that,” he said, and scooted a little closer to him, so that his nose barely touched Ronan’s arm. He inhaled his scent for a moment. “You smell like coffee.”

“I was at work,” Ronan told him. “You smell like an oil spill.”

“I was at work,” Adam replied.

“How’s the Pig?” Ronan asked.

“Not too bad,” Adam said. “It says hi.”

Ronan chuckled a little. It was a refreshing sound. Adam hoped he’d always be around to hear it. Adam did feel like he’d cheated. Like this moment shouldn’t have been possible for him. Ronan Lynch should not have been possible for him. Yet, they were there. And if Adam captured it, saved it, held onto it, maybe nothing would go wrong.

 

▲▼▲

 

Ronan had a missed call from Declan when he finished his shift. He pressed redial as he was leaving, and his brother picked up after two rings.

“Are you busy?” Declan asked without any greeting.

“No,” Ronan told him.

“Meet me outside the police station as soon as you can.” Then Declan hung up.

Ronan looked at his phone in confusion. He wasn’t sure if he should be worried about Declan’s cryptic phone call or not, but he got into his car right away.

He parked next to Delcan’s Volvo, which Declan stood leaned against waiting for Ronan. He gave Ronan a silent nod as he got out of the car.

“What’s up?” Ronan asked, leaning onto his own car so that he was facing Declan, arms crossed over his chest.  

Declan hesitated for a moment, then said, “I talked to a friend of mine here.”

“You have friends?” Ronan asked mockingly.

“Fuck you,” Declan said, then continued. “She told me that they found something.”

“Do you care to elaborate on that?” Ronan asked, as Declan took a pause that was too long for his patience.

“They guy who did the hit an run, they found a gun in his car,” Delcan told him. Ronan clenched his teeth. He felt his heart race rapidly. Adam had never mentioned a gun.

Declan’s face was like stone. “They ran a test on it, and it turns out the gun matches the bullets from mom and dad’s murder.”

“Fuck,” Ronan muttered and brushed a palm over the back of his head. He had grown used to never knowing what happened to his parents, but now it was clear; Robert Parrish had been the one to rob the coffee shop that night. Adam hadn’t told him about the gun. Did he know? He couldn’t have if they’d just found out about this, right? “Fuck,” he muttered again. “I know who he is, Declan.”

“What?” Declan asked.

“He’s Adam’s dad,” Ronan said, gritting his teeth.

“Adam? The trailer park kid?”

“Don’t say kid, like you’re an old man,” Ronan told him. “You’re only a year older, you shithead.” Declan glared warningly at him, but he didn’t challenge Ronan on the matter. It was pointless either way and they both knew it.

They stood silently, letting the tension linger just for a little while. Declan seemed just as tense as Ronan. They had found the missing piece of a puzzle that they had both tried to forget all about. The only difference was that Ronan already had issues with the man, this just made him wish he had killed him when they’d fought back at the garage. Or at least done a better job at beating the shit out of him.

“Do you think he knows?” Declan asked warily. Ronan looked up at him and raised a questioning eyebrow. “Your friend, do you think he knows?”

Ronan thought about it. If he did, he hadn’t said anything to Ronan about it. But Adam Parrish might be able to keep more secrets than Ronan knew.

“Ronan?” Declan questioned his silence. “I can tell there’s something you’re not telling me, just come on, man.”  

Ronan told him about the fight he’d had with Robert Parrish, that the man had been beating Adam, that Adam had been the one to find out about the car, and that he hadn’t told him about the gun.

“Jesus fuck, Ronan,” Delcan said, brushing his hands over his face. “Do you realise you could have gotten yourself killed?”

Ronan was aware. He wasn’t stupid. He balled his fists, feeling the need to punch something.

“How are you so calm about this?” Declan asked.

Ronan glared at him. He was anything but calm.

“I was worried that I’d have to stop you from going on a rampage,” Declan explained.

“Is that why we’re at the police station?” Ronan spat at him, and Declan flinched. “You don’t have to worry about me, Declan. I learned a long time ago that nothing is going to bring them back. This doesn’t really change that.”

“I didn’t-”

“Whatever,” Ronan said, cutting him off. “I have to go.”

“Ronan.”

“If Adam doesn’t know, he will fairly soon, and he’s not going to take it well,” Ronan explained and opened the door to his car. Niall and Aurora loved their children, but Adam now had a father that had not only been abusing him all his life, but was also a murderer. No matter how angry Ronan was, he knew Adam would be worse off. “Thank you for telling me,” Ronan told Declan.

His brother looked at him with a defined line between his brows. “Take care,” he said.

 

▲▼▲

 

Adam’s heart was pounding immensely. He was cold, yet sweating. He had spent the entire morning at the police station, and now he had seated himself in the middle of the new Monmouth kitchen, where the kitchen island should be, wrapping his arms around himself. He needed to get out of here, but he couldn’t bring himself to move. Crying hadn’t been an option. He had no more tears left. Adam had always known his dad was a crook, but a murderer? It surprised him, yet he didn’t doubt it.

Ronan would never forgive him for this. He hadn’t lied about the gun, not really, but he hadn’t been honest about it either. Now, whatever good thing they’d had, it would all fall apart. He would carry his father’s crimes on his own shoulders, because somehow Adam could have prevented this. He knew he could have. If he had been able to provide more income for the household, his dad wouldn’t have needed to commit a robbery to get money.

He finally got up from the floor. He knew what he needed to do. It was the easy way out, but it would be better for everyone. It was time to get out of Henrietta for good.

 

▲▼▲

 

Ronan had looked everywhere for Adam, or anywhere he could think of looking. He wasn’t at the garage, and Mr. Boyd said he hadn’t clocked in at all that day. His car wasn’t parked outside the college dorms, and he wasn’t at the coffee shop, either. Ronan was now sitting in his car outside Monmouth. Adam hadn’t been there either. He picked up his phone and texted Noah to ask if he’d seen him at all that day. He contemplated where to look next, but he really had no idea. Just as a text from Noah ticked in, saying that neither he nor Henry had talked to Adam, something dawned on Ronan. There was one person who might know where Adam had gone.

 

Ronan parked the car outside of the hospital and looked around the parking lot. The Hondayota wasn’t there. Not that he expected it to be.

He met Helen Gansey in the hallway. She smiled friendly at him, and Ronan wondered if it was because of her relationship with Declan or if she was forcing herself to be polite. “You finally showed up,” she pointed out by way of greeting. She clearly hadn’t been around the last time he showed up, but he figured that was for the best. “Blue is getting coffee right now, so I would hurry if I were you.” Ronan had been mistaken. Helen winked a little as she strode off. Ronan looked after her, puzzled, then he continued towards Gansey’s room. He stopped outside for a moment, fidgeting with his wristbands, then he knocked on the door and carefully walked inside.

Gansey was lying on a hospital bed with the back pulled up, so that he was in a somewhat seated position, but resting at the same time. His face lit up at the sight of Ronan.

“Hey, stranger,” he said. His voice was a little weak, but it was steady, as if Gansey had never been in a car accident. He eyed Ronan, who stopped just inside the room, not sure what to say or do. Gansey patted down on the side of the bed, gesturing for Ronan to sit, so he walked over, and sat down on the bed next to Gansey’s feet. “What’s up?” Gansey said pleasantly, still sounding like Gansey.

Ronan swallowed. Guilt tugged at his stomach. “I’m sorry, man,” he said. “I haven’t been around.”

“What, you’re sorry you haven’t been around to watch me sleep?” There was humour in his voice.

Ronan snorted, and scratched the back of his neck.

“You don’t have to apologize,” Gansey said quietly. “I know why you haven’t been here, but you are now. And so am I.” Gansey smiled, and Ronan became overly aware of how much he had missed him.

“You fucking bastard,” he said in a low voice, as a lump formed at the back his throat. “What the fuck was I supposed to do without you?” He turned his head away to avoid looking at him and flicked a stray tear from his cheek.

“I’ve been asking the same thing,” Blue said from the doorway. “I mean, I’d be fine, but you would crash and burn.” She walked in and offered a cup of coffee to Ronan. He squinted at the cup, knowing that it was a peace offering.

“I am not drinking that,” he told her. She rolled her eyes, but he could tell she found it amusing.

“You’re such a fucking snob,” she told him.

“Language,” Ronan told her and she flipped him off. He grinned, and he heard Gansey laugh as well.

“Did he tell you that he’s getting out sometime tomorrow?” she asked as she sat down on a chair next to the bed, kicked off her shoes and put her feet up on Ronan’s knees.

“And good is that, because I am so sick of staying in bed all day,” Gansey said.

“You have barely been awake to notice that,” Blue pointed out and Ronan let out a laugh. He had missed this. Blue took a sip of her coffee and grimaced. “That was not good,” she said in a hoarse voice.

“Question,” Gansey said.

“Shoot.” Ronan raised an eyebrow at him.

“Did you know about Declan and my sister?”

“That they’re frenching?” Ronan said at the same time as Blue said, “That they’re doing it?”

“Ew, Jesus Christ, forget I asked.” The look on Gansey’s face was priceless. Blue laughed wholeheartedly at his despair. It was a sight that made Ronan almost forget why he had come in the first place.

“Now,” Blue started, when she finally managed to breathe, “don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you came back, but I get a feeling that there’s a reason for it.” So he had been transparent after all. He noticed Gansey giving her a warning look, as if to make sure she wasn’t going to start a fight.

Ronan admitted defeat, and told them about what the police had found out. The horror was visible in both of their faces, and Blue clasped a hand in front of her mouth, but kept her feet where they were. Ronan had been picking lint off her socks as he spoke. Gansey had scooted closer, or as close as he could on the hospital bed, and placed a hand on Ronan’s shoulder. They didn’t say anything, and they didn’t need to. But this was not really the reason he had come to the hospital.

“I’m guessing Adam has not been here,” he said.

“No,” Blue told him. “You haven’t spoken to him?”

Ronan shook his head. “I’ve been looking for him all day, but I don’t know where he would go.” He shrugged. “Knowing him, he might have already found a way to blame himself for his father’s actions.” Ronan tilted his head enough to glance at Gansey and Gansey nodded agreeingly, then sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“We gotta go look for him,” Gansey said.

“Oh no,” Blue pulled her feet back and stood up. “We, as in me and Ronan, are going to go look for him. You are going to stay put.”

“Oh, come on, Jane,” Gansey said. “What is one day going to differ?”

Blue threw her hands in the air. “I’ll get a doctor,” she muttered and walked out of the room, but just as quickly as she had walked out, she came back in again. “Or maybe not,” she said. Ronan got up and stepped outside. She was right. In the corridor stood Adam Parrish.

 

▲▼▲

 

Adam froze as he met Ronan’s eyes. He had known he’d be here, seeing the BMW outside of the hospital, but he hadn’t really been prepared for it. Ronan walked over to him, not saying anything, just waiting for Adam to speak. The look in Ronan’s eyes told him that he already knew, and Adam wished he had never come here.

“I-” Adam said, but his voice broke off. He swallowed heavily. “I thought I’d come tell you myself before I left, but it seems like someone beat me to it.” He tried his best to keep his voice from breaking. He was quivering as he spoke.

“Where are you going?” Ronan asked calmly.

“I was getting out of here,” Adam explained, swallowing again, because it felt like his throat was tightening. Ronan frowned, crossing his arms lightly across his chest. “I had packed the shitbox and was on my way out, but I stopped. I didn’t want to leave without letting you hear this from me. For once in my life I didn’t want to be a fucking coward.” His voice finally broke at the last word. He clenched his teeth and angrily wiped a tear from his face with the back of his sleeve. Ronan watched him quietly for a moment, then he reached out and pulled Adam into a hug. It broke every wall Adam had put up in order to manage this conversation, and he started crying. Not for himself, but because of what Ronan had had to endure because of him. He sobbed into Ronan’s shoulder, and his knees would have buckled under him if Ronan hadn’t held him. He didn’t let go. He didn’t let Adam fall.

When Adam finally managed to get a hold of himself, he lightly pushed Ronan away, not being able to stand the closeness anymore. “Why are you not angry with me?” he asked. His voice was barely audible and he felt overwhelmingly pathetic. “I could have done something. I knew about the gun.” He started trembling again.

“It doesn’t matter,” Ronan told him. “Whatever your dad did is not your fault.”

Adam blinked as more tears formed in his eyes, and he let them fall. Ronan’s words were so earnest. He didn’t deserve this, and Adam didn’t deserve him. “I should go,” he said, and turned to walk, but Ronan held onto him.

“Please don’t,” he said. Adam wished he would just be angry with him, but Ronan had nothing but worry in his eyes and it was too painful to watch, yet Adam didn’t move. “It’s not going to change anything.” The words were the reassurance he needed.

Adam kissed him. It was wet and it hurt his nose a little because he had pressed his face too close to Ronan’s, but it didn’t matter. Ronan kissed him back, and it was all that mattered. He didn’t feel any less guilty or any less pathetic, but he let it pass, just for the moment.

 

▲▼▲

 

Blue was standing in the main room of Monmouth. She had been looking at everything with awe since she got there. The place had never looked anything like this, and she knew Gansey would love it. The downstairs area now had a very old-fashioned looking yet fancy and functional kitchen, with a huge fridge and an island in the middle of it. The other half of the area was more of a common room, with the pool table, an LP player and a collection of Gansey’s old records and Ronan’s weird electronic music, a couch, and a coffee table. Ronan had made sure that the place now had an outstanding coffee maker, but not too great, because if so then they wouldn’t come by his shop.

The upstairs area, with Gansey’s bed still standing, looked more like a small library now, with a desk by one of the windows, shelves with books covering most of the walls, and a bunk bed by the wall next to the staircase, because that’s where Noah and Henry had put it. Adam had pieced together two clothing racks for Blue to put all her clothes on and he had bought a new mint plant for Gansey’s desk. The bathroom seemed huge to Blue and it had never looked cleaner. Ronan’s room was as it had been, but he had brought a couple of boxes from the apartment at the coffee shop. He was still keeping it, but he was set on moving back to Monmouth again. Adam was moving into the room that used to be Noah’s, but Blue wondered how long it would take before he just moved into Ronan’s room. She could use the other room for sowing.

All in all, the place was amazing. It was like a weird looking castle, and now it was just waiting for the king.

The door slammed downstairs and Noah and Henry came rushing up to the second floor. “We made it,” Noah exclaimed as he only saw Blue there and he and Henry high fived. Blue laughed at the two of them. Then they all stood quiet as they heard a car.

 

▲▼▲

 

“Explain again why I need to be blindfolded,” Gansey demanded as Ronan drove the BMW to Monmouth. He had been driving in circles for a while, to make sure Gansey wouldn’t have any idea where they were going. Adam had texted him earlier and the Pig would be done today. This was going to be perfect.

“If I told you, I’d have to kill you,” Ronan said.

“Why do you have to be so cryptic, I was in a car crash,” Gansey said, irritated.

Ronan laughed, but didn’t say anything. He parked outside of the building. “We’re here,” he said. “Keep the blindfold on.”

“How am I supposed to get around on these with no eyesight?” Gansey shook his crutches so that they clattered together. Ronan laughed again, and got out of the car and went to help Gansey out as well. “I feel like an old man, and also blind.”

“You are an old man,” Ronan confirmed. Gansey snorted at his remark and jumped around clumsily on his crutches. Ronan steadied him as they made their way to the door.

Inside, Blue, Noah, and Henry were standing quietly halfway down the staircase. Noah gave Ronan two thumbs up as he closed the door behind them.

“Alright, grandpa, you may take your blindfold off.”

Gansey did, then put on his wire framed glasses. He looked stunned as he took in the view of the new kitchen and living room. Ronan exchanged a glance with the Blue, who was chewing at her nails. “Jesus” Gansey said quietly. “What in the fresh hell.”

“There’s more upstairs,” Blue told him.

With some effort, they managed to get Gansey up the stairs, and again, he looked stunned. “Christ,” he said, and jumped around, looking at the library/bedroom, and the bathroom, where he jumped all the way in and exclaimed a silent “wow.” He laughed a little at the bunk bed. Noah and Henry looked impeccably proud.

“This is amazing,” Gansey said. “I can’t believe you did this, you bastard.” He took one of the crutches and nudged it at Ronan and grinned at him.

“It wasn’t just me,” Ronan said.

“Oh, we’re all aware that the bunk bed wasn’t your idea,” Blue said, and they all laughed.

“Where’s Adam, though?” Gansey asked, a line forming between his eyebrows.

“He should be here soon,” Ronan told him. Then the sound of a car roared from the outside, followed by a car horn. “That should be him.”

Ronan walked ahead down the stairs, relying on Noah and Henry to give Gansey a hand. Outside of Monmouth was the incredible sight of bright orange that was the Camaro. Adam stepped out of the front seat and gave Ronan a questioning look. Ronan just winked at him.

Watching Gansey take in the sight of the car, was worth all the work they had done. He jumped towards it and placed a hand on the hood of it, the rest of them just watching.

“I didn’t manage to get all the dents smoothed perfectly, but it runs as it should,” Adam told Gansey.

“It’s perfect,” Gansey said quietly. “All of it. It’s all perfect.” He looked up at both Ronan and Adam. “Thank you,” he said, and Ronan realized Gansey was crying.

 

▲▼▲

 

A few days later, on a Sunday, they were all gathered at the coffee shop. Almost all of them. Ronan was at church with his brothers, so they were waiting only for him. Blue was supposed to cover a shift, but she stopped at the table Adam and the others were seated at whenever she had the time. Noah and Henry were talking about a work idea they both had, Adam was catching up on homework, and Gansey seemed to read some historical book about old kings or something like that.

When Ronan arrived, he sat down with them for a while, resulting in Blue flipping him off. Adam smiled. Things were slowly falling into place, even though he felt rattled from time to time. Robert Parrish had been arrested not only for the hit and run, but for the murder of Niall and Aurora Lynch. Everything that had strained on Adam’s life was slowly fading away. Slowly, but surely. Things were good for the time being and he planned to enjoy that.

Blue walked over to their table and leaned against the chair Gansey was resting his casted leg on. Adam looked up and saw her glaring at Ronan, but Ronan just grinned wickedly in return. Adam was glad that their fight hadn’t lasted.

“Will you tell your dog to start working?” Blue asked Gansey, who looked up at her slightly puzzled, then smiled.

“While working here, he’s your dog,” he told her, and Ronan laughed wholeheartedly. It was a sound that Adam would give anything to hear for as long as he lived.

 

▲▼▲

 

Ronan believed in heaven and hell. He had lived through hell, more than once, but if heaven was anything close to Adam Parrish, he wouldn’t mind it.

He realized this while looking at the other man, as he saw how he fit into the little, but strange family he had managed to build over  the years. He knew now, that even though Matthew and Declan would both be living in DC, he would be alright here.

He got up from his chair, finally ready to cut Blue some slack and get to work.

“Hang on,” Gansey said, and everyone turned to look at him.

“Is this going to take long?” Blue asked. “Some of us,” she glared at Ronan, “have work to do.” Ronan glared back at her, and was amused by the fact that the corners of her lips slightly twitched.

“I have a proposal,” Gansey said.

“No, man, I will not marry you,” Ronan said nonchalantly. Adam looked at him, raising an eyebrow, and Ronan winked at him.

Gansey pretended for a second to look disappointed, but then he asked, “Have any of you heard about an old Welsh king named Owain Glyndwr?”

**Author's Note:**

> This was a birthday/christmas gift for a good friend of mine. I wanted to give her a short Pynch story, but it turned out a little longer than planned. This is the first time I have written something for someone else, but I enjoyed doing it and I hope she likes the story! <3  
> Major thanks to [Hidden_Pineapple](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hidden_Pineapple) for being an amazing beta for this work, I wouldn't have been able to finish without you. <3


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